President Jendrysik

Official account of the 52nd President of the United States, Mark Jendrysik. Of the People, By the People, and For the People. (Not actually Mark Jendrysik).

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

My statement on the events that are transpiring in Boston:

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

lol jk April Fools. Pay up, plebs.

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

It gives me great pleasure to announce, on this holy day of Easter, a signature goal of my administration: the elimination of the IRS. Let's call taxation what it actually is: theft. No government under my watch will engage in such criminal activity against its own citizens.

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

People have been asking questions about my position on drugs. My position is simple: You selling? We need to repeal the entirety of the Controlled Substances Act. Why stop at legalizing marijuana? Drop some acid for the cause. It’s patriotic. #pols432

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

In light of this senseless tragedy, my administration is pursuing a new “Bridges Get Stitches” infrastructure investment policy. Rebuilding our crumbling infrastructure will help the economy and prevent future tragedies such as this. What do you think?
https://t.co/lYn6TYCf7B

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

This is awful. My administration would never support such Draconion laws that inhibit our freedom of speech. You want to wear a MAGA hat to vote? Go for it. A #Resist shirt? Do it. Voting naked? Let that flag fly, brother. This is America.
https://t.co/FWr36ZT0VF

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. Luckily for you, all three describe me. You’re welcome, America.

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

I’d like to thank @GovRauner for providing the perfect model for all elected leaders who value the diversity of our country to follow. Join me and pour one out for the cause. #pols432 https://t.co/Knd8lfsxaT

[Chicago Tribune @chicagotribune]

Gov. Rauner drinks chocolate milk to demonstrate his commitment to racial diversity: “It’s really, really good. Diversity!” https://t.co/YbohUKHDWL

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

My opponents say that I'm weak on national defense. Nonsense. You won't even need a military as long as I'm around, America. I'm locked and loaded. ISIS ain't getting in. #pols432

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

#PresidentsDay2018 may have been yesterday, but I’d like to still take a moment to recognize my biggest inspiration, the under appreciated Millard Fillmore. May our country always be grateful for that one thing he did that one time.

[President Jendrysik @PresJendrysik]

I would like to thank the fine people of the electoral college for electing me as your president. Decided to relax on the beach for a little bit like a normal person before beginning the work of singlehandedly fixing our nation. Buckle up, America. We're going for a ride.#pols432