Pretentious Literarian

Story first, writer first

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Issue 1 is compiled! Look for publication in early or mid-November.

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

If your story sets up a mystery narrator for 1,300 words, the twist ending can’t be “lolz never mind.”

I just got ghosted. By a story.

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[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

A Victorian gentleman goes visiting, and finds his host has something in the study that absolutely should not exist. What unfolds is equal parts charm, wonder, and quiet devastation.

Issue 1 is shaping up! #FreeSubs #WePay #JoinUs

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

@BarryGarelick We get it. How dare an editor edit? Hopefully, as an author, you wouldn’t dare write anything.

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Six pages of yelling about the other guy's politics isn't literature, Jessica.

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[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

@xsuzi00 @brecht_dp We're functioning on much the same model, though we're on edition zero. 😂

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

POV: You're writer-first.

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

They: Start a litmag
They: It will be fun
Us: *Drowns in rejection anxiety*

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[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Story > Résumé

Story > Awards

Story > Track record

Story > CV

Story > Bio

Story > Standing

Story > Publication history

Story > Experience

Story > Portfolio

Story > Everything

FEED ME STORIES

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

We are so excited to announce that we've found the cover art for Issue 1. Thank you, Viviana—it's stunning!

Check out more of her work at https://t.co/uBevReQDRy

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Then again, sometimes turning down stories is easy.
"Her hands reached across both of my two hands to give a stranglehold on to my aching heartstrings, playing them in a grieving key. as she gently stroked my head and whispered."

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Editing means turning down stories you love, not just stories that miss the mark. Sometimes a piece has so much going for it except that one thread that doesn’t quite hold.
🥲
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[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Other Lit Mags: Pay me, writer peon.
Us:

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

From Issue 1:

"He would have to be punished, Matt informed him moments before forcing him to walk like a condemned man into the tool shed in the backyard for an overnight stay on a freezing night. No blankets, no dinner, no water, no toilet—just a cold wooden floor, shelves full of hard metal and smelly canisters, and a Yale lock on the door to seal him in."

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Issue 1 is shaping up. We've got:
-Gouged Eyes
-Writer's Nymphomania
-9-year-old bleepity bleeps

And that's just the editorial staff.

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[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Anyone: Wow I love this mystery fict—
MFA:

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

@WestBranchMag

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Yes, actually we *do* respond within hours or days, have free submissions, and pay you. That's because we're here for writers, not to twiddle our thumbs and build a publishing empire on the backs of those who just love the craft and want to speak to the world.

Almost for sure.

[Pretentious Literarian @PretentiousLit]

Not every story needs to 'interrogate the architecture of grief," Kelsey.