ProLink

Spurious reasons to have a fixed link to the Isle of Wight

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Just one virus case on the IW? Guess why that is? Totally down to the ferries costing too much and not being regular enough. Fact! My mate down the pub told me, so it must be true.

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

FlyBe? Is there any need to state the obvious as they used to fly from Southampton? If there was a fixed link, there'd have been loads of passengers from the IW using their services. I'm surprised nobody has spotted this obvious connection.

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Heathrow expansion declared illegal? I blame the ferries. Not sure why, but give me a moment or two and I'll come up with something.

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Another flood alert for the IW? I blame the ferries, if they weren't there pushing down on the water, the sea level would drop. Fact! (If you don't believe me, see what happens when you put something heavy in your bath)

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

I bet that Coronavirus doesn't get here because there's no room on the ferries. Missed out again.

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Harry & Meghan stepping down from Royal Duties? That wouldn't need to happen if there was a fixed link. Fact!

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Ermmm.... I blame the ferries.

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

Just woke up after a heavy session last night. What happened? Did I win?

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

TSB is closing branches across the country, but not Newport. That's the fault of the ferries. Once again the island is left behind the rest of the country. A fixed link would bring us in line and we'd have no TSB branches. Fact!

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

What's it about?

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

Apparently, next Wednesday I have to go to Hastings with all the other candidates. Dunno why it's Hastings, as Newport seems more logical. Anyway. I'm not giving a bean to the evil Fairies, I'm going by helicopter, which will also annoy the Green Vixen. #islandsaviour @VixL

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

Some disciples ask me, "Oh great saviour of the Island, will not your miraculous Freedom Tunnel bring crime and ne'er-do wells to the IW?" I reassure them the Pheeney Boffins are working hard behind the scenes on technology to stop such undesirables. Worry not. #islandsaviour

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

As for Labour, well their colour is red, blatant marketing and collusion with the evil Red Fairy. Voting for me will bring prosperity for me, which I will share with the IW as I see fit. #islandsaviour @SolentTunnel @VixL @carl_iow

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

I will deal with my opponents one by one to show how wrong they are. Firstly, the Green Vixen. She wants everything green. Green cars, green houses etc. I believe we should be able to buy any colour car that we want. My Freedom Tunnel will ensure that. #islandsaviour @VixL

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

@KarlPheenie I'm sure you would beat Bob Seedy, and the Green Vixen. Even if they formed a pact.

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

I have agreed to stand as a candidate for the general election for the Idiot Network Party. (I think that's what they're called anyway.) They have agreed to let me do what I want, and that's how I like things. I will now be elected saviour of the Island!

[Karl Pheenie @KarlPheenie]

Looks like the Mothercare Branch on the IW may close. This is entirely as I predicted as businesses find it hard to survive the ferry fares. It is nothing to do with the company going broke nationally. That's just propaganda put about by the anti brigade.

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

No cheese footballs in the shops yet. Probably delayed by the ferries. A fixed link will enable the delivery of Christmas-specific products all year round. Fact!

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Autumn looks like it will arrive tomorrow (Sunday). Finally! How much longer will the lack of capacity on the ferries delay our seasons?

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Lord Adenoids said he couldn't help with a fixed link. That just demonstrates the need for a fixed link so that he could help with it. Or something?

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

Lots of people queuing at the dump this morning. This is because of the ferries. If there was a fixed link, we'd be free to fly tip on the mainland overnight. Having a tunnel will solve the island's refuse problem and that is a fact!

[ProLink @ProFixedLink]

With a fixed link there would be no need at all for agriculture on the IW. All food would be easily and cheaply transported by road. That means all those useless fields could be used for thousands of houses. Thus, a fixed link would solve the housing crisis. Fact!