A reflection at 24
The wish on the birthday cake this year was for peace. Internal peace mostly, though world peace is a good thing too. Chances are that things will get worse before they get better or worse, but I digress.
Since I was separated from the USAF due to the COVID mandates around 4 years ago, my life has just been floating from one part time to another, ultimately just settling on grocery because it's closeby and is easy work. Mind numbing, time consuming, easy work. The lack of direction due to that hell that was forced on all of us has been driving me nuts, considering I only got about a quarter through a 6 year contract that was going to be my financial foothold and career track for most of my 20s.
Unhealthy habits and vices across the board, jumping from one career idea to another, one fleeting interest to another, and a whole lot of ideas. Ideas and ideas with nothing really concrete to show for it except sperging out about something cool I have yet to make. The longer it's gone on, the more anxious and wasting away I've felt. Especially, I've learned what a curse some parts of my mind are with these constant swirling thoughts and a soundtrack you can't turn off (currently on "Chu, Tayousei" by Ano). You literally bang your head against the wall and contemplate using the sidearm next to your bed enough times and you just want to have that turmoil leave. Easier said than done, but I'm motivated to get on a better path.
This isn't to say that these past four years have been a waste. Were it not for that time, I wouldn't have met my brother and best friend. I wouldn't have experienced my first real love, unrequited though it was. More importantly, I wouldn't have been joined to the Orthodox faith. I'm 99% certain that's why I was sent off the military track. Now I'm an altar server and bellringer for the Church and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I've had various skills I've developed and a lot of figuring out what *isn't* working for me. Been in the pit dozens of times and it really just puts into perspective for me what it means to have agency and make the most of your time. All this to say that these four "wasted years" have made me want to do the best with my time moving forward.
I'd be lying if I said I don't want to hang onto the comfort and complacency; I don't have an uncomfortable life. Nonetheless, meaning and purpose are essential to people of all strata, and though I haven't found what that is yet, I am trying to get back on course. God willing, this COVID reenlistment will be what sets my life forward financially for the next few years until I have that "next thing," whatever it is.
Goals moving into this next year are to have internal peace and build confidence for myself. Get healthier in the four holistic disciplines, build more IRL social connections, and spend more of my free time creatively actually making something so I can point to it and say "I did that." I'm certain that this is not going to be comfortable or easy, but comfortable and easy isn't what I need right now.
To all of you who have followed me and my ramblings, either out of support, outrage, or pure curiosity, I appreciate it. Some of you are incredible people and the rest, well, it's the internet. We're all in this hellscape together I suppose. Weebs, autists, radicals, holy and unholy fools, and the few righteous foids - thanks for being my people. I'm here for the long haul, or at least until I get a spiritual kick to leave this part of modernity behind.
These 24 years are behind me and the track is laid out ahead of me. I look forward to whatever it brings and I hope you all can walk in that confidence too. Thank you all, God bless you and keep you, and here's to the new year.
- Gregory, ProfessorT
24 years old as of half an hour ago or so - I'll reflect a bit tomorrow
In the mean time: 0140 EST post time for the Japan Cup. I have coffee and food. Go Calandagan!
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Henry Nowak died the same way a civilization dies: abandoned, handcuffed by authorities who neither trusted nor cared for him, and accused of hate crimes he did not commit. His murder is as tragic as it is enraging. He should still be alive today, and he would be if the last few generations of European elites had stood their ground against the politics of self-hatred and the mass invasion of migrants, many of whom despise the West and the people who love it.
Henry was far from the first to so needlessly lose his life, and I fear he won’t be the last. Each time a life like his is lost, the proper response—the only response—is righteous anger. One of the most important things the Trump administration has proven to the world is that stopping the flow of mass migration and defending national sovereignty is a matter of political will and leadership. Anything else is an excuse.
It is because we love the West that we want to preserve it. We love our civilization. We love our country. We love our children. And nobody—nobody—should ever die the way that Henry Nowak died. May God comfort those who loved him, and may God rest his soul.
WATCH: Karmelo Anthony supporter threatens my life at the trial.
“We kill crackas!”
“I like the smell of burning flesh!”
“We’re gonna do some Nat Turner shit on you”
Let me break it down real slow for people on why I'm always the first one to dogpile marriage infidelity.
A guy who is willing to impulsively blow up his entire life, break one of the biggest promises a person can make, derail his kids' entire childhood, and put every financial asset he owns at risk...
For a crumb of pussy?
Yeah, that dude is going to screw you over in business lol. That dude is going to roll on you the second the authorities start asking questions. That dude cannot be trusted to keep his word.
What infidelity shows is a willingness to prioritize immediate personal gratification over literally everything else. Family, commitments, reputation, finances, long-term planning, all of it gets burned.
If someone is willing to burn their entire life to the ground for a moment of satisfaction, why would I trust them with anything important?
That's why "it's none of your business" "it's just gossip" or "why do you care about another man's relationship?" is bullshit cope.
@CottonCatKing No problem. The second point I have seen far too many times and it's a headache. Something is seriously wrong here, regardless, but it's incorrect to point towards a single cause
There are a few things at play here
Obviously a lot of people are pointing out the societal pressure against men for being attracted to women. No need to rehash that
The other part (assuming the guy here has a good conscience) is that physical attraction has become extremely polarized
On the one side is hypersexuality - promiscuity, hookup culture, porn-brain, whatever you want to call it. The other side is hyposexuality/extreme prudishness. This latter one I've observed in various Christian spheres, usually as a result of some kind of sexual addiction. The passion becomes so all consuming in the mind of the man trying to break from it that any and all sexual instinct towards women, which God wired us to have by the way, becomes a primal fear
Both of these extremes lead to societal rot, either through the complete destruction of relationship norms or through creating roadblocks which prevent them from happening in the first place
My take on the situation is that this girl probably likes OP, either that or he's a "guy friend." In the latter case, I really don't like how normalized this has become. Good on OP for being conscious of his own instinct but he should probably man up and ask her out if he really feels this way. If he doesn't want to, he should probably reevaluate where exactly their friendship lies because it will eat him up otherwise. Ramble over