The Director

A Software Testing / Technical Writing consultant with an edge. And a bludgeon.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

My current contract ends on Thursday. Who needs a hand with testing or documentation?

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

@jlottosen I wanted to be Morton Harket when I grew up, but instead, I got to be more like Pål Waaktaar, but without the talents.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

My co-workers did not ask to hear the complete works of a-ha at top volume, but I have blessed them with it anyway.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

At this point, I would settle for some Ben Jonson.

Maybe some almost Ben Jonson.

Every Monkey In His Humour, perhaps.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Me, learning to program: Like a monkey, sitting at a typewriter, waiting for the Shakespeare to start.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

I can recognize the comments in this forty-year-old language, though.

; i dont know why but this seems to work

Timeless.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Several cells in the spreadsheet involve me vetting the code in a 40-year-old language. Wait, what?

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

This programming language looks like machine language and C had an illicit liaison yielding an heir.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Use a marker to draw a diagonal line on the edge of your punchcards so you can easily put them back in order if you drop them. #ObsoleteProTips

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

I would like to have a word with the person who decided that Pass and Fail in the spreadsheet had to be a drop-down list that I have to click and choose for every step in the 83 step test.

That word: PAIN.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Oh, goody! A spreadsheet containing a list of tests whose steps are inscrutible shorthand abbrvtd by someone who's moved on.

Of course it's an emergency, and I should run all these tests right now.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

We need a meta spreadsheet that lists all the spreadsheets we have.

Ha! Just kidding. Of course we have one, and we get together on a conference call every two weeks to go through it.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

I dub this methodology ConPro: Constant Process.

No result, but the process itself rolls on eternally.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

My favorite SQA Automation Job Posting now offers this fix:

"Ability & motivation to work a minimum of 55 hrs per week, finishing at 5 PM ET Mon to Fri"

Which means you'll have to start at 6AM ET Mon to Fri at least; earlier if you need to work more than 55 a week. SIGN ME UP!

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

@kinofrost The vowels in the words "your product" are very round.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

"Full Stack Engineer" means an engineer whose code is exclusively cut-and-paste from Stack Exchange.

Which is why Item data is stored in the Book object.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

You can't spell absquatulate with QA.

Not that you often have cause to spell absquatulate.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Even though I've been in this business for <mumbled number> years, every day I'm a walk-on rookie.

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

Can someone help me? I want to set this video as my signature block in Outlook. Thanks!

https://t.co/2R9v2Vj3Dc

[The Director @QAHatesYou]

These projections not only count the chickens before they've hatched; they also count the chickens before they're eggs.