beansontoast

I’m so cool in this bitch

[Ulises @UlisesDavid__]

*un pedofilo se me queda mirando en el parque*

yo con 7 años pensando que era un ojeador:

[Connoisseur @pusy123lol]

Children who used to spin until they were dizzy are now Alcoholics

[hani @crucifynisis]

do i weird you out or have i weirded you in

[john @johnsemley3000]

the older I get, the less likely it seems I’ll bonk a guard unconscious and steal his uniform, to more easily infiltrate his base.

[Mike⚡️ @Visionary_Mike]

Antony Starr we putting your jersey up in the rafters

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

god damn it.... son of a bitch... I just realized that Blueys mom works in airport security... and Blueys dad is an archaeologist.... Bluey's mom's job is sniffing, and Bluey's dad's job is digging up bones.... because they're fucking dogs.....

[ms wiener mcgee @fartbuttsex30]

of course i cum fast, we’re fucking on stolen land

[soup🍓 @thrluv]

"you get too drunk when you drink" first of all, its black out or back out

[ʙᴜᴊᴜ @sham_exe]

i hate the losers that show up to the gym just to talk to their friends the whole time. it gets in the way of me sitting on a random machine hoping that a beautiful woman will come up to me and fall in love at first sight

[Joseph 🕊️ @CaudilloXIV]

I love women so much I wish they weren’t evil

[Jordanreviewsittt @jordanreviewsit]

He’s going to the post office. Add 10 people in line who have never mailed anything in their entire life

[Kunath @KunathMMA]

Strickland beating Champ Izzy and Champ Chimaev but losing 2x to DDP is why MMA will never make sense

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

[The most 20-25 minutes away guy you have ever heard in your entire life] yeah, i'm about 12 minutes away.

[nono@was at AX @notnoe_]

NEVER KILL YOURSELF

[Reginald @ginald87]

Your ex is somewhere telling a new guy how bad you were and he's smiling like he won the lottery. (Two clowns one circus)

[Alex @alex_t0dd]

It’s crazy that X Factor had an ‘Over 25s’ category. 11 year old me was sat there thinking they were so brave for trying to achieve their dreams at such a late stage in life

[FORGOTTEN @EvaPeach338101]

Delete that paragraph king

she don’t give a fuck

[“paula” @paularambles]

i firmly believe everybody would be drinking this if they rebranded

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

White people handle mdma better than they handle spicy food.