A Barkeep Called Quark

Personal Craigslist Profile of Quark, owner and bartender of Quark's and absolutely nothing else. DM if you need something else.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Due to customer complaints, the cardsssian children’s holoprogram “Landminecraft” will be suspended. My deepest apologies to the Prefect.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Would you believe that I’m considering turning one of the holosuites into a 24 hour gym? I imagine you humons would be a lot more motivated to run that treadmill if I put a holo-Klingon behind you, screaming about your dishonor.

[Gad Saad @GadSaad]

Get off the couch. Eat well. Get active. You can do it. I’ve lost 80 lbs. Have a great weekend.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

…and so I tell the ferengi “Your mother sells scarves to the destitute”

I’m sorry, there’s 3 punchlines in there but Ferengi humor doesn’t translate well.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

The humons left the concert with something they call “earworms”

I can’t imagine anything more terrifying

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

@SoapboxBlather @MarinerParody @ReplicatorUnit I had to make space for Vulcan Love Slave 7: Pon Farr WAP Edition. But don’t worry, Olympic training Facility is getting a juicy update. Would you believe that Nausicans make tender lovers?

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

@amerley_chioma @illumenated_ @ChatsClout https://t.co/b3vZKSID9n

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Still testing the new Poo-Porter. You’ll never have to use the toilet again, with transporter technology relieving you directly. In the meantime, if anyone can find Rom’s small intestine, please find me at Sick Bay

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

@Real_Morn_DS9 Well I, for one, am on your side.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Oh he was just 17
You know what I mean
And the way he worked was well beyond compare

Oh how could I hire any other
When child labor laws are bare

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

This humon game Chess. Very fun, but why would I ever promote a Pawn? He makes too much money as it is. I say demote the Knights, all they do is give me L’s

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

I would like to remind our Pakled clientele that Holosuite 1 is not half of Holosuite 2. Holosuite 1 make go good good. Thank you

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

@Hasbro I am outraged! This conformist attack on non-binary potatoes has uprooted our efforts to uplift and support the downtrodden. My store will only be selling the gender neutral potato head!

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

@Hasbro I am outraged! My store will only be selling MR and MRS potato head! This attack on the nuclear potato family has gone far enough

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Please donate to the Ferengi Emergency Money Accural. (Does this really work on humons? You’ll just give me money for no reason???)

((No really, aid for gulf coast in lieu of #HurricaneLaura2020 ))

[FEMA @fema]

Our National Response Coordination Center is where federal agencies come together to support disasters like Hurricane #Laura. During an emergency, we have staff working 24 hours a day to gain situational awareness & find resources needed for the affected communities.

#WeAreFEMA

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

I’ve been reading Humon history and not all of you are all that bad. Like that one hero who would capture rainwater. Or the other one who blocked the sun to force everyone to use his nuclear power. Both of these men are wonderful!

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

Why do humons still run that Robin Hood holoprogram? You treat it like robbing the rich to feed the poor was some kind of serious concept for your people.

As I see it, the poor deserve to be that way. They’re lazy, entitled replicator queens

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

First they came for the Federation

But I did not care because I was not Federation.

Then they came for Terok Nor
But I did not care because they let me keep my bar.

Then they came to play Dabo.
And I made a ton of latinum.

I’m sure I was going somewhere with this.

[A Barkeep Called Quark @QuarkCL]

#defundtheFCA