Queef Chegwin

I put small objects in my mouth

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

today I spent six hours dancing alone in an abandoned factory in my mums swimming costume pretending to be in an edgy music video

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I dont know if its the gentle vibrations or because it smells like an old ladys hair but this bus is making me so, so wet.

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

@1a2b3cJessii I'm whatever you want me to be. I'm your wet nightmare.

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I like my women like I like my tea: Lukewarm, weak and excessively milky.

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

Softly stroke my egg sac while you whisper that you love me

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

Pan-fried ballbag

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I'll pay you £4 a week to keep my neck fluff under control

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I wish everyone would stop posting pictures of their mothers. its making me uncomfortably horny. #mums

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I just feel like I will never be able to find happiness within myself until my thigh gap is at least 4 inches wide

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I wish there was a word to adequately describe how utterly terrified I am of cupboards

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

today is a pampering day (cleaning my ears out, Veeting my foreskin and using the expensive lotion as lube)

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

So excited about the postman arriving this morning with a big bundle of romance! (ordered some nipple clamps and a rubber fist yesterday)

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

Anal Bingo

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

a man at the bus stop did a mind crime on me and now I can't finish the rest of my sandwich

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

I purposely lied and gave the wrong answers at my eye test and now I cant see properly thru my new glasses and have a headache

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

just let myself have a single beef hula hoop as a special sunday night treat

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

if you were starving and hadnt eaten for days and had no other choice would you fist a cow to death? #askevander

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

bought 16 copies of @robbiewilliams' rudebox in the hmv sale for 20p each, reckon they'll be worth hundreds one day

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

im seriously allergic to pigeons, if one flys too close my scrotum instantly balloons to the size of a pumpkin

[Queef Chegwin @QueefChegwin]

stacey thripple told angela watts not to invite me to her chinese new year pool party just because I wear shoes from asda and my ears smell