Queer Fairy

they/them | venmo: @/RyanMartinez21
I scream into the void here. if you know me go away.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I dragged myself through the shit for months for that person, begging them to tell me what was wrong.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I have my ex so many chances to just fucking tell me what was wrong and what I needed to change if anything and he just didn't take any of them. Why?

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

Does he know how many times I wanted to break up with him?

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I stuck with him through his worst 9 months and he just dumps me at the end of it

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

The thought of being with another person still makes me sick to my stomach and they've already moved on to another. How does any of this make sense?

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

He sobbed in my arms whenever those people would cancel plans or be flaky, he told me he felt like he was never good enough. How could I respect them after that? How could I regard those people with respect and decency for making my partner feel like that?

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I was there for them when they're "closest friends" treated them like shit. I was there when their chronic illnesses were wreaking havoc on their body and soul. I loved them through all of that and I was replaced in a week.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

But that fucking hurt man, wanting so badly to do a variety of things and hearing him do it with his friends.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

Can you imagine how much it hurt hearing tell me how much fun he had roller skating with his friends when he knew I had been trying to get us to do that for years. But he was disabled, and I respected that, I would never make him do something he didn't want to do.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I always respected his preference for low physical activity activities.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I know nobody will see any of this but I need to say it to someone, even to myself. I need to know I wasn't fucking crazy, that I did everything I could with the information presented to me. I tried my best.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I made the mistake of trusting his words, of trusting in his ability to bring every part of himself to those conversations. I loved him, all I wanted to know was what I needed to do differently. He said his mental health problems were his own to deal with.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I asked him 3 times what was wrong, 3 times he told me he was just super depressed. He didn't tell me he was falling out of love, he didn't tell me he had a problem with how he was being treated by me, how I was lacking, or how I needed to improve.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

He told me he was depressed. He told me he didn't know why he hated himself so much.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I loved him through every insecurity and self doubt, I pushed him to improve his life and I supported and loved him every time he failed because I saw the beautiful and wonderful person he was

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I was replaced when I hated every square inch of my body after loving every inch of theirs. I chose them every single moment of every day. I loved him when we never fucking did anything and when he stood me up for our plans and shut down every idea I had.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

I loved them till the very end and I defended their actions ruthlessly for weeks. They discarded me like I was trash, like nothing I did mattered. They didn't talk to me about what was bothering them for months. Why????? Who fucking does that????

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

Apologizing makes me feel like a cuck cus in the end, he left me for someone else. He stopped loving me while I was giving him everything I had to give. How am I supposed to be cordial with someone like that?

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

Why didn't they say anything? I begged them 3 times to tell me what was wrong. I loved him so much.

[Queer Fairy @Queer_Fairy_]

My ex made me want to die. I've never felt so betrayed by someone I thought loved me.