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@JoshuaPotash It's a Fuck Christmas card to Melania.

[Read Jackson Rising @JPHilllllll]

What’s more on brand than team Trump releasing pictures to show he’s working at Walter Reed and it’s just him signing his name with a sharpie 😂

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@AllieRenison "Kill the poor" is frowned upon as too truthful a slogan.

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@SarahKSilverman Trump is being looked after by a foot doctor.

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@BluzPower @pattirod55 @votevets 2 words.

BONE SPURS.

[VoteVets @votevets]

This is a good time to remind everyone that Trump is currently being taken care of by socialized medicine. In fact, the entire military is funded by taxpayers, including hospitals.

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#ItReallyTurnsMeOnWhen Everybody leaves me the fuck alone for 24 hours.

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#ItReallyTurnsMeOnWhen She becomes everything to me. The very air that l breathe.

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@asomer @OneYearOut @NumbersMuncher Believing the claptrap youtube conspiracy theorists and Philippines pig farmers feed you because you refuse to believe any media that might be telling you the truth against your dear leader is an even shittier look.

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@NumbersMuncher So Democrats pull all their attack ads on Trump. (Republicans continues to run theirs on Biden)

And SNL doesn't even acknowledge the irony of an anti masker President catching Covid.

What kind of Republican government wet dream world do you want to live in?

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@ceciliaissmart

[Shannon Stirone💀 @shannonmstirone]

I just got all my divorce paperwork in the mail and it came with an post it note from my lawyer “there’s a note from the judge, he thought it was weird that you only took the toaster and no money.”

If I ever write a memoir I’ll have a chapter on how much I love this toaster

[Amy S. Rosenberg @amysrosenberg]

Jaime Harrison brought his own plexiglas divider to his Senate debate with Lindsay Graham.

#SCSen

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I got Diarrhoea during charades #AndThatsWhenISaidOhCrap

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He said Japanese applause. #AndThatsWhenISaidOhCrap

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She said "Would you like me to cover you in German caviar"? #AndThatsWhenISaidOhCrap

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@Artyom_Yekat @guywalters If you're going for sprints you're good for bulking up and power. If you're going for distance you're better off with a cyclist's diet. (not Lance Armstrong's one, obvs) 🙂

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@john_sipher Trying to.

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@MaidenSarah1 You saying the only 15 comedians who've been allowed to work in British tv and have rarely been funny for the last 13 and a half years are only occasionally funny.

Don't believe you.

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@almurray Did someone say pig shit was thin.