Claudia Hill @RAV1947 - Twitter Profile

OFFICIAL MEDIA DAY REPORT Day 3 of our completely unauthorized WNBA campaign is officially in the books. Enes Kanter Freedom, Royce "Roysha" White, Brock “Briana” Pierson, and Will “Willamina” Van Booraem arrived for media day this morning despite the small administrative issue that the WNBA still has not invited, signed, drafted, contacted, or acknowledged any of us. We are choosing to interpret their silence as approval. Today’s developments: • Team chemistry is improving. Actual basketball chemistry remains questionable. • Enes has declared himself starting center, assistant coach, and Director of International Relations. • Royce submitted a 14-page list of concerns before warmups. • Briana spent 40 minutes perfecting her tunnel walk and 11 minutes practicing basketball. • Willamina demanded the league install mirrors above every locker so the hair situation can be properly monitored. • Our combined salary request has increased despite producing exactly $0 in basketball revenue. The league reportedly wants players who can defend, shoot, communicate, understand defensive rotations, and occasionally run an offense. We believe these are outdated barriers to participation. Therefore, we are announcing our newest policy: Performance will now be self identified. Missed a shot? It identified as a make. Committed a turnover? That was an alternative possession. Got dunked on? That was an unauthorized vertical interaction. Lost by 38? Scoreboards are socially constructed. We would also like to address rumors that none of us are actually on a WNBA roster. This is technically true. But being on the roster physically is far less important than being on the roster emotionally. Tomorrow: contract negotiations. The league has not agreed to attend. Progress. 🏀