RentFreeInBabylon

Raised on scripture, scarred by systems.
Still fighting the ghosts that call themselves gods and governments.
I don’t fit your side. I outgrew your circle.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@IMAO_ @DavidDreil26702 Your annoyance waiting for me to back in is less than my annoyance waiting for someone to back out. Plus you need to look up the definition of sociopath.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@prieurdp Maybe take a defensive driving course sometime and you'll learn the answer.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@highbrow_nobrow @atrupar Acts 17:24-25 (ESV):"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything."

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@SSweetsxo Supposedly at least here in Tulsa there's at least 2 names of actual companions you should not contact at least the timing has been too coincidental for people who do.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

Is tomorrow even worth waiting for?

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

There is no easy way
to pack up a life.

Every object is a decision:
keep it, give it away, throw it out.
Every choice feels like choosing
whether it mattered.

There is no gentle way
to dismantle someone.

So, you move slowly.
You touch things.
You break.
You keep going.

Because someone has to do it

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@Sexysabrei Felt

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

They keep checking in,
asking if I'm okay
but how do I explain
that okay left the building
and I'm still here
waiting for it to come back?

My phone lights up with concern
and I can't bring myself
to tell them the truth:
I'm not falling apart.
I'm already on the ground,
just... breathing.

My mind won't shut off.
It's running through every worst case,
every way this could get worse,
every reason they should stop
trying to save me.

I'm caught in the spiral
thoughts eating thoughts,
worry breeding worry,
my brain a machine
that won't stop grinding.
I'm okay, I'm not okay,
I'm fine, I'm breaking,
I'm here, I'm already gone
and I can't stop the loop
no matter how hard I try.

They don't understand
that sometimes the scariest thing
isn't the big collapse.
It's the slow quiet
where you realize
you've been alone
the whole time.

And now I'm listening to songs
about people who understand
how to hurt
in ways that make sense.

My mind won't shut off.
It's cataloguing every failure,
every moment I wasn't enough,
every reason the silence
is so fucking loud.

I'm caught in the spiral
can't trust my own thinking,
can't trust that tomorrow
will feel different than today,
can't stop the voice
that keeps asking
why everyone bothers.

I'm okay, I'm not okay,
I'm fine, I'm drowning,
I'm here, I'm already gone
and the spiral keeps turning
and turning and turning.

What if they leave?
What if they see
how broken this really is?
What if staying is harder
than I can manage?

What if, what if, what if…
Stop.
Breathe.
You're still here.
For now,
that's enough.

I'm caught in the spiral
and maybe that's okay.
Maybe worry
is just love
trying to keep me safe
from myself.

I'm not okay, and that's the truth.
I'm scared, and I'm alone,
and my friends are worried
because they see
what I'm trying to hide.

But I'm still here.
Still breathing.
Still caught
but not gone.

The spiral keeps turning.
But so do I.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@Georgina_Fox_ It's lonely here wishing I had such a beautiful view right now.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

Wishing to feel alive
Maybe its too late and I'm already gone
Who can say when there's no one to hear

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@QueanAstro Already there though

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@BanjoT17 @WallStreetApes Why give two fucks about a future when we can't live in the present. Who wants to bring a child into the equation.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@DiianaD_ Daily, keep in mind I suffer from 4 chronic illnesses, as well as taking care of an elderly parent until she passed 2 weeks ago. I fought for so long because I had to care for her but now.....?

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

For the first time, I understand fear.
For the first time, there's no one
to hear me break.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

Alone teaches you
that silence isn't quiet
it's the roar of a room
with no one else in it.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

@jelricof @martinez_j7902 You realize all but the last 2 you mentioned have more whites enrolled than POC

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

I didn't get to say goodbye the way I wanted to
There were still so many things
I needed to thank you for…
You were my home.
You were my safe place.
And now I have to learn
how to be okay
without your voice in the room.

I love you… mom
I love you… mom
Wherever you are now
I hope you know
how much I love you… mom

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

For the past 6 years I have been the primary caregiver for my elderly mother. This morning I found her, she had passed during the night. I'm seriously at a loss as to my place in the world at the moment.

[RentFreeInBabylon @RFinBabylon]

My previous post was taken out of context, and that’s on me. To be clear: I’ve chosen to delete my content from the platform, and I’ve made the conscious decision to stop all medical therapies and treatments. Continuing them was only extending my suffering. I’m now limited to restricted hours at work medically. It’s a waiting game from here.