rilay

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Saturday vs. Sunday

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Me with synesthesia: dude turn this music off, it tastes like cum

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

*me, down on one knee at the Asian massage parlor*

“I don’t want a happy ending babe. I want a happily ever after”

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

@shitt3d_on_em 😟

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Jorts are cool but i think they’d be better if they were long. Jants, perhaps.

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Ive grown tired of this so called “sucking” and “fucking”…. I yearn for pleasures of the flesh (new Fortnite skins)

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Lord… is it too much to ask for just ONE bad bitch to throw it back on me at the rainforest cafe?

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Bill Cosby JUST got out and you’re celebrating “freedom” today?? Disgusting

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Suspicious decrease in blurry Sasquatch pictures ever since most phone cameras became high quality

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

95% of people:
🤪... 🤣... 🍆... 😎..........

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

But why does the jelly munchkin exist if the jelly donut doesn’t have a hole???

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Everybody stressing over Bitcoin investments, smh....... I’m going where the moneys @

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Insane to me that people willingly ride on the back of motorcycles...
No reasonable mode of transportation should ever start with the phrase “hang on tight”

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

I love fast food but theses two-lane drive thrus are getting way too competitive

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

There’s food at the funeral but I’m still bringing a snack... 😎😛🤪🥵

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Apparently the people who are most homophobic are usually gay. Which I’m sure is true, I just have trouble believing all of Alabama is gay.

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

My PlayStation account got hacked and I was just forced to tell an actual person over the phone that I am, in fact, the real “Ballgina5000”

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

Super Bowl prediction:
Chiefs Win. Patrick Mahomes walks right past the Trophy and kisses Tom Brady’s son on the mouth. Crowd goes nuts. The end.

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

@TjVazquez Sorry TJ but I'm not getting roasted by a guy who tweets shit like this

[rilay @RILAAAYYYYY]

@Danny_Braff It’s ok DANNY we have a thousand more