closed account.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/fHR8uVueNo

[closed account. @RMcalz]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/fRZY36obCA

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/Cbe6FQMEZA Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[closed account. @RMcalz]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/X9DR9zFguQ

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/d0fViMYAQG Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence? http://t.co/cDrZcjTFz1

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/yViRNu0gtQ No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/VzqTNAlkZp Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/KHNTr0hn8d

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/znVeYRWmsi I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade

[closed account. @RMcalz]

Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork". http://t.co/6Bb2JnDpKc

[closed account. @RMcalz]

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many. http://t.co/RHknI1Fdrb

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/9kiCnI8cCW I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/7aixLEZ8B6

[closed account. @RMcalz]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/yYQfPLUhy3

[closed account. @RMcalz]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/htkFfxJ7jK

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/QLyvc5Uj70 Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[closed account. @RMcalz]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/YCujGkoXqe

[closed account. @RMcalz]

http://t.co/9iSbGq3fJr Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

[closed account. @RMcalz]

Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity. http://t.co/K8IZQTvak9