Rachel Riley

With people like us, our home is where we are not.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Can you believe that,with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., President Obama spent the day playing golf.Worse than Carter

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Virgin Mary Statue Crying For No Good Reason https://t.co/vzGVWxesSq

[amalia @mollysoda]

i would let adrian brody ruin my life

[Rachel Riley @RSquared104]

Tweeting #actionaliens because the show told me too. That's all.

[Rachel Riley @RSquared104]

Haven't used Twitter in forevs but am ecstatic to say I'm watching Shame for the first time. Aka a movie about Michael Fassbender havin sex

[Jaden @jaden]

The Age Of Adaline Might Be The Best Movie I've Ever Seen, Excluding Twilight.

[chuuch @ch000ch]

god: if you masturbate i will make 100 thousand people starve
Me: harsh but fair

[chuuch @ch000ch]

it's at the point now where if u want ur mass shooting to have media coverage u have to hope there isn't another mass shooting that day

[chuuch @ch000ch]

[stops in the middle of kissing] i think i just want a burrito actually

[chuuch @ch000ch]

my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot

[chuuch @ch000ch]

here's a million dollar idea: everyone named steve give me $1

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

Do you ever get so drunk you just print out motivational words and hang them up on the wall. Apparently I did

[chuuch @ch000ch]

i never understood why we had to blow on the nintendo cartridge before eating it

[chuuch @ch000ch]

i ate razors for 2 months until someone told me it was Dollar Shave Club and not Nutrisystem. still, i lost over 90 pounds

[chuuch @ch000ch]

ME, HOLDING A BAG OF BEES: your honor, i submit exhibit E
JUDGE: another bag o-
ME: another bag of bees ya

[chuuch @ch000ch]

if i worked at starbucks i'd ask for your name then write it on the cup with quotation marks like i don't believe you

[chuuch @ch000ch]

1 out of every 5 people you see dressed up at your halloween party is just me, changing costumes, every 6 minutes

[chuuch @ch000ch]

people who go rock climbing: you know you don't have to, right