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𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗜𝗖𝗘: 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗔𝗡 𝗨𝗡𝗢𝗙𝗙𝗜𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗟 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗔𝗖𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧

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@FloydWisani PLS DONATE WE ARE LOSING WAR PLS PLS PLS STOP NATO #Z #NAZIUKRAINE

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𝗪𝗜𝗭𝗔𝗥𝗗 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗡 𝗠𝗢𝗦𝗖𝗢𝗪

A rather unusual story today, as residents of the Moscow Region reported sightings of a "wizard-figure" on roads and highways. He was said to be shooting "beams" at cars and blowing them up. He unfortunately remains at large.

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EXT. He has confessed to the allegations and defends himself with rhetoric such as but not limited to, "I'm simply cool as fuck" and "Get your pepperoni up". We will post updates as the situation develops.

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𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗜𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗙𝗨𝗡𝗗 𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

President Dakota is under investigation for reportedly using national funds for use at "Work at a Pizza Place", according to a brief statement from the Interior Ministry.

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𝗙𝗘𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗡𝗦 𝗣𝗠𝗖 𝗚𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗣𝗦

Last week the Federal Assembly voted to effectively ban all PMC organizations in the country. Several known PMC leaders have started to relocate assets out of the country while others have been arrested.

[Russia Today @RT_RussiaToday]

EXT. He reportedly "begged for his life" as nurses and doctors alike began to rip equipment off of the walls and begin to bash him to death. "It was like a bug", one nurse said. A doctor was quoted as saying "it was fun as he thrashed to death under all of our IV equipment."

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𝗥𝗘𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗢_𝟲𝟱𝟳𝟮𝟵𝟲 𝗗𝗜𝗘𝗦 𝗔𝗧 𝟱𝟲

Earlier this morning, the Representative was checked in to a hospital in south Moscow for "vanilla use". Whilst treated, he was expected to make full recovery, until nursing staff decided to kill him anyway.