Rabbi Jones

I'm not actually a Rabbi (or Jewish), but I got an online synagogue to teach me the secret handshake. Oh, and I have a large penis.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

If you smush the garbage man, he will tell everyone along his route.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Homeless matchup: Paint-can drummer "Drag-queen Leslie" turned mayoral candidate vs. 3-finger saw fiddler lady with cardboard robot dancer

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

When the montage ends...never buy a fake baby from a gypsy.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Every time you masturbate…a hillbilly grins.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

If socialism means you give me money, then I'm in.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

The guy dancing with a stocking over his face is named Broccoli Rob.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Even if the stripper’s hair in your pocket makes you smell like vomit, Rodney the bum still thinks you are beautiful.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

On Imperialism: British accents make it better.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

On Communism: Shit don't work...try farming.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Oh, your profile says "Keynote Speaker". Can you tell me more about how important you think you are?

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

"See, you were wrong." "That's because I didn't want to be right."

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Woman: "My gynecologist said I can't have sex for two weeks." Man: "What did your dentist say?"

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

"Was that lightning?" "No, that was a camera flash, Google Earth is updating their satellite images."

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Not sure if I should pronounce foreign words correctly and sound pretentious, or pronounce them wrong and sound ignorant. ~Fry

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Oh, you got an SLR camera and got your boyfriend to take sexy pictures of you. I'm sure the modeling agencies are knocking at your door.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

I never mispell anything.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Remember when I said that the last thing I want to do is hurt you? Well, I'm done with everything else.

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

I looked at my clock and it was 4:04. What does that mean, "No time found here?"

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

I've never understood the meaning of the Beatles song "Lucy in this guy with diamonds"

[Rabbi Jones @RabbiJones]

Men age like wine. Women age like milk.