kevin✌

keeping an egg in my pocket

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

It would be so cool if we were the first country to put a man on the sun.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

I just heard about the Alaskan sounding festival they have every year. it’s Called The “I-Did-A-Rod”

[Hornce Perch 🐛 @WeBeNestin]

Getting kicked out of Chuck Barry’s restaurant for breaking the fourth wall in the bathroom stall.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

It’s a Dr. Phil or Dr. BePhilled world out there

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Once you’re a senator I could imagine much of your life is controlled as a matter of national security. It doesn’t surprise me that Bernie’s not calling for a seasfyre. He’s only seen special prepped videos of eye oh F forces getting fucked with rpgs. He can’t see live forums.

[Vincent Bevins @Vinncent]

I wonder how much they would have to pay me to not understand this image

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

The specter of death approaching my bedside: “your time has come”
Me: “It does?… Ew. That’s a strange fact to learn before I die”

[Dan Cohen @dancohen3000]

Congress just declared the largest Hasidic Jewish sect in the world as anti-Semitic because of their theological opposition to Zionism, which reflects the historic Orthodox position.

This resolution is actual anti-Semitism, given a paint job by Zionism.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Alright, get this:
You’re Chilling at the function, sipping on the finest ritualistic suicide chemical kool-aids, and Shorty in the tracksuit starts giving you this look 😵
WYD?

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Pshhh, More like “Lockheed Fartin”! Am I right?!

[Séamus Malekafzali @Seamus_Malek]

Israel's Minister of Communications calls on the IDF to cut off the foreskins of Hamas fighters as revenge, as David did with the Philistines in the Tanakh.

I am not joking.

This is a real post by a verified account of an Israeli cabinet minister.https://t.co/ATkFJZZDzJ

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Dudes posting motivational mottos like “your path is more difficult because your calling is higher”…
My brother in Christ, your path is difficult because you’re an alcoholic.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Learning meditation from the internet is like learning about sobriety by smoking crack

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

How come I just called the poopoo peepee man and your phone rang?

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Honk if you are

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

I get my news like a true patriot, by listenin’ in on the faint voices that emanate from within the walls of my home.
If that reveals nothin’ I dwell on the vague but powerful suspicions I have about my ex wife’s connections to various shadow organizations.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

You see a bead of dew drip down my belly hair as I lift off the lid to my skillet. A plume of steam dances upward. Ecstatic, it swirls around my nipples & dissipates.
The pungent aroma of frying Spam fills the air. “Is this heaven?” You ask yourself.
I wink & itch my buttcrack

[JT Chapman 🇵🇸 @_SecondThought]

For anyone still “standing with Israel” or trying to inject false nuance into the Israeli genocide of Palestine, this thread is for you. These are the things you won’t be shown on the western news. Look at them now. It’s not too late to adjust your perspective.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

An actual image of how it feels to drive after a couple of beers

[Hornce Perch 🐛 @WeBeNestin]

Flat earth fact: we are living inside a giant glass butt plug and the day/night cycle that we perceive is just the plug being pulled in and out of a gigantic cosmic being whose scale we cannot fathom.

[kevin✌ @RadicalKevBot]

Oooooohhh e owie ouchie you hurted my boner.
———-
-> give this man some change (15¢)
-> ”That’s my pp now boy.” (intimidate)
-> run
-> fight