Ralph Tetta

Standup comedian, creator of #jokesforsale #cheap

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

If you could ask God one question and get an honest answer, what would it be?

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

What is a habit of yours that others might find peculiar?

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

What makes you really angry?

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Name a belief or stance that you would defend with your fists.

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Name one awesome Nicholas Cage movie and one terrible one. Try to make your choices a different one. #jokesforsale #cheap

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Andy Warhol said “In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” I would add “and be a pariah for five of them.” #jokesforsale #cheap

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

@ErinMPerrine Saw you on Bill Maher, thank you for trumpeting Bills Mafia! Go Bills!

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

@DuffyOnWCMF I’m losing my mind over here, glad I’m not alone!

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

The Pillsbury Doughboy is just Casper the Friendly Ghost with a hat.

[Cory Booker @CoryBooker]

From The Boss. He put it perfectly. Thank you Bruce Springsteen.

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

What’s the key to #happiness? We have some ideas. https://t.co/1GBfEPJAH2 #SelfHelp #HappyLife

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Find the secret to #happiness on the latest episode of The $18 Podcast with Chris & Ralph, on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts! https://t.co/lneRa9MIXy

[18DollarPodcast @18DollarPodcast]

Who do you think is worthy of the Rock Hall? Ralph and I tell you who we think is worthy of enshrinement on this week's episode. #RockHall2024 https://t.co/v1cP4HqmC6

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

My friend is so cheap, he goes through couch cushions for change at the furniture store. #jokesforsale #cheap

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Jules: I want you to go in Santa's bag, and find my Christmas Present.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says Naughty Motherfather. #PulpKringle

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

"What about you, Mrs. Claus?"
"I'll have a $5 egg nog."
"You want that Comet & Cupid or Donder and Blitzen?" #PulpKringle

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Let me ask you a question. When you came here, did yeou notice a sign in front of my house that said "Egg Nogger Storage"?
Jules: I didn't.
Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign? 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing Egg Nog ain't my business, that's why! #PulpKringle

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

Vincent: You know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese at the North Pole?
Jules: They don't call it a 1/4 Pounder with cheese?
V: No, they're elves. They wouldn't know what the heck that is.
J: Then what do they call it?
V: They call it a Rudoph with cheese. #PulpKringle

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

"I'ma call a coupla hard, nog-hittin' elves, who'll go to work with some tools from the workshop. You hear me talkin', bad little boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get Christmas-eval on your ass." #PulpKringle

[Ralph Tetta @RalphTetta]

“On the 24th, you may feel a slight sting. That’s Christmas fooling with you. Forget spirit! Spirit only hurts; it never helps. You fight through those sugarplums.” #PulpKringle