somewhere in your 20s or 30s you’ll get the opportunity to rebuild your life after a negative loop. its very important that you see that journey through
i likely died many years ago and this is all a fabrication created as a sort of purgatory for me whether thats to to teach me something or punish im not sure but i appreciate all your efforts in making this feel so real
What you don’t see is the suffering I endure everyday trying my very best to stay positive and not post anything mean or evil on here but I need to break my silence and let you know that I thought Disclosure Day was one of the biggest piles of shit I’ve ever seen. Horrible, stupid, absurd but not in an entertaining way, so poorly written it borders on abusive, ridiculous but also deeply boring, just complete and total shit ass.
Mental health tip Get on Twitter immediately after Opening Your Eyes in the morning and Don’t get out of bed until you have Scrolled Aimlessly for at least 2 Hours
I’m so embarrassed by all the pathetic and desperate shit I’ve done in an attempt to feel loved, and I’m more embarrassed that nothing has ever worked.
I've been in a depressive episode for the past several weeks and it's mostly because the closer I got to the graduation finish line, the harder it hit me that there is no finish line. Not for me anyway. I'm exhausted. I finished a marathon and I just want to rest. I want what my classmates have! A family I can return to. A safe home to live in while I apply for job. So many missteps away from homelessness that I can afford to accept the RIGHT job offer, not just the FIRST one. I want rest. I EARNED rest. I feel like if I don't take a break, I'm GOING TO BREAK. But I'm in a river with a harsh current of generational dysfunction pushing me backwards towards what Has Been and I'm swimming against it, alone, toward what Could Be. And if I stop swimming for even a moment, I'll get swept away. so I've spent the past few weeks trying to radically accept the concurrent realities that:
1. I need a break.
2. I deserve a break.
3. I do not get a break.
@diaryoflydia_mh It sounds like you're in a good place with people who will take good care of you. Take it a step at a time, 4 hours at a time, 10 seconds at a time if you have to. May your pain be eased, and may you find that spark of life again, friend.