Ray Kump

Comedian, Host of Kump podcast,

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

First time I’ve ever heard a gay guy lie about some old women trying to suck his dick.

[Axios @axios]

Treasury Sec. Scott Bessent tells The Axios Show how President Trump jokes with him about women wanting an introduction:

“He’ll occasionally tell me: ‘You’re breaking Melania’s friends’ hearts. They see you on TV and they want an intro, and we have to break the news to them.’”

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Just a few more years of whatever this is, and then we can all live in a post-racial AI utopia. Trust me bro, we’re so close.

[hanni @hannchella]

Yall can’t convince me a show with an all white cast in 2026 is the funniest thing ever

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

God, please make this woman the White House Press Secretary. It’s too late to fix anything, let’s go down swinging.

[Nicki Minaj @NICKIMINAJ]

Kathy Hochul is an evil woman. The Democratic Party should forfeit her seat because even if she wins, she will be of great consequence to them. Downward spiral for her. She will not escape God’s wrath. She did not denounce evil when she had the chance.

[Collie Tyrrell @columtyrrell]

My new special comes out today for free on YouTube.
Here’s how to see it: https://t.co/8F5dkvHQY7

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Clavicular lighting his cigarette.

[S6BER @s6berr]

Clavicular LOST IT after a guy BEGGED him for MERCY in front of his own girlfriend ASKING not to take HIS girl 😭❤️‍🩹

"I know at the end of the day, you're probably not gonna see her... You have all these other girls."

"Are you asking me for mercy?"

"There's more fish in the sea."

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Can’t believe I need to point this out, but you can believe that Elizabeth Holmes is innocent of all crimes, and that she didn’t defraud anybody, and still believe that she deserves the death penalty. What the hell happened to nuance?

[Jay @jaybronious]

Holy shit. Watch her face change here #elizabethholmes

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

We’re all thinking it.

[TMZ @TMZ]

Anonymous Celebrity May Die by Suicide if Sex Misconduct Claims Go Public, Lawyers Say https://t.co/eXAGpGOqpr

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

If you think it’s a coincidence that the mainstreaming of the Fleshlight was derailed just as dating apps morphed into nightmare hypergamy machines, then you’re going to find the next 10 years very confusing.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Perhaps Israel should have invented Dragon Ball Z instead of exploding pagers.

[Chris Menahan 🇺🇸 @infolibnews]

NYT's Bret Stephens whines that Democrats know "Smotrich and Ben-Gvir" but not "the interior minister of Japan."

Their "obsession" with Israel drives him "crazy."

(Being politically informed on Israel is now anti-Semitic.)

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

If you can’t understand that the dream of every coal miner, rough neck, and down on their luck farmer in this great nation is to one day eat Avocado Eggrolls at The Cheesecake Factory, then you don’t deserve to ever be the President of America. This is Cheesecake Country.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

She’s actually half right. That’s a piss and shit cup. Don’t get mad when you find out you’re drinking water out of my piss and shit cup.

[Sean @scs_real]

Oh honey, god bless you but you are no where near hot enough to dictate what glass I use for what liquid.

What a nightmare.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

@allison2244g What app are you listening on?

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

My uncle who molested me when I was 32 loved H3 podcast and he’s very upset it’s ending, so I don’t know why you’re all saying it sucks.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

@allison2244g Have you checked again? The new episode is up when I check it.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

You’re mad at Ethan Klein for cheating on his wife.

I’m mad at him because I tuned in to watch a mukbang and he ended up convincing me to send $36,000 to the IDF.

We are not the same.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Hot Take I guess: Cyber Punk 2077 was a great game at launch, and I played it on a base PS4. Sure it crashed a bunch, but people telling you it was unplayable are just soft.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Update: if you think this looks like literal human shit, that’s on you for caring if your food looks like literal human shit. I’m a man, so I don’t care.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

Y’all acting like cooking is so hard, I made this in an hour, it’s got beef, chick peas, cantolini beans or whatever, mushrooms, everything you need. Start living your life, don’t let your life live you.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

I never once had a teacher that inspired me. Bunch of power tripping rats who deduct points for not doing homework. Getting inspired by teachers is sus as hell.

[Ray Kump @RayKump]

The best thing about Cyberpunk was the buggy weapon drops that had me spending literal days looking for a Tier 5++ Katana with two open mod slots only to find out that the place I would have gotten it only showed up as tier 1 cause I went there too early.