Realass Quotes

Quotes from @luisjgomez, @zacisnotfunny, and the guests of the @realasspodcast

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

We will retweet funny quotes from the @realasspodcast! Just tag us!

[Dr. Amanda @DrAmandaMay]

"Yes, I agree that would be a fair system. But I'm addicted to cocaine. I need all of that money. To kill myself with." - Nick Mullen @RealAssPodSays

[Dr. Amanda @DrAmandaMay]

Tim Dillon: "Where's Zac, at a horror convention?"
LJG: "He went home to visit his family for Christmas."
Tim: "So he's at a horror convention."
@RealAssPodSays

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"The truth is you don't really want your kid head butting people in the face." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"The only thing I like about Jay wearing a neck tie is that he is that much more likely to get it caught in a car door and be dragged down the street." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"They can at least learn how to spell cuck right when they tweet it at me." - @TheMikeLawrence

"Yeah it's spelled K-Y-K-E." - @ZacIsNotFunny

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"This a little analogy for what women deal with in life. And It's never been this apparent to me until I started getting raped in the steam room at equinox."- @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"I'm not saying she deserved to die. I'm just saying that a person that doesn't have the wherewithal to not to do that while answering a craigslist ad for an apartment doesn't need to be here anymore." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"What's the legal age of consent in the wizarding world of Harry Potter?" - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Luis is getting absent in the eyes." - @aaronbergcomedy

"No, No, No, that's a stye that's returned." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"When I draw my name I actually..." - @luisjgomez

"Well number one you don't draw your name. You write your name." - @TimJDillon

"That's why he failed art. He just kept turning in his name." - @nickmullen

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Your dick has a valve dude." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Name one thing that the American Indians have done in the past 200 years." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

@Venomous_Kiss_ Send them over. Will retweet!

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"If you got raped by a UFC fighter you're gonna be like, dude what was I gonna do. If you get raped by Matteo Lane you kind of like it a little bit." - @luisjgomez

"Ok. Are you coming out? What is this?" - @timjdillon

"This is what he thinks net neutrality is." - @nickmullen

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Real ass dude of the week Shannon. Kevin Spacey's father." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Luis just likes net neutrality because it's two N words." - @nickmullen

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"I definitely saw sexual assault this morning." - @ZacIsNotFunny

"But that's because you were looking in the mirror." - @luisjgomez #LuisAttack

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

"Turn his fucking volume down. I'm not gonna be called pathetic, in the same exact volume as me." - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

Debating the quality of all female bands.

"Heart Members, Craig, Dan, Ben, Roger, Howard, Denny, Steve Michael. The amount of dudes that were in Heart! There's 2 women in Heart!!!! It's a dude band that they let some bitches into!" - @luisjgomez

[Realass Quotes @RealAssPodSays]

From ep Comedy Career Death Pool

@IANfidance: "You are a sociopath."
@luisjgomez: "I'm not a sociopath."
IAN: "You have no empathy."
LJG: "No not really."
IAN: "That's the definition of a sociopath!"
LJG "I might be a sociopath."