The Dysfunctional Banker

Good bankers add value to the bank.. Well, that’s not me

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

@BojanRadojici10 Please send

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

@LouAnonAnon Girl math is not knowing the difference between revenue and profit

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Quickest way for my analyst to get demoted to “coffee boy”

[DiversityCopOut @DiversityCopOut]

MD: did you really calculate FCF as EBITDA - Capex?

Me:

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

@commbankerguy @YoungKo83 Is this effective for all banks or only banks above a certain asset size?

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Normalize wearing Heelys in a professional office setting

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

How woke banks approve deals:

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Facts

[Turner Novak 🍌🧢 @TurnerNovak]

if your banker looks like this, your deposits are safe

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

https://t.co/EtLBcHZZdy

Borrowers every time I ask for updated financials

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Me to my colleague after they secured a 15% salary raise while I only got a 3% raise

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Regulators call it “Check Kiting”

I call it “Cash Flow Management”

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Can relate. I’ve said “sure, he’s more handsome but no way he knows cash flow better than I do” on many occasions

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

I always have to remind loan committee members this when they are grilling my sus-deal

[CAGR Party 📈 @CAGR_Party]

In committee: “how do you get comfortable with the tremendous amount of downside risk on this deal?”

Response:

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Me: *finish credit presentation

Lender: Got updated financials. Gonna need you to update the memo. Need to modify the loan amount too

Me:

[Ramp Capital @RampCapitalLLC]

Happy rate hike day to those who celebrate

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Me as an analyst trying to contribute in the discussion with the client and lender

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

My personal financial statement is so detailed, I include Kohls Cash balances and mail-in rebates from Menards

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

@marcuslemonis Just bought a new smoker. membership to @butcherbox would be an amazing way to break it in and host friends/family at our new home #kindnesswithMarcus

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Just as noble, imo

[litquidity @litcapital]

men used to go to war, now they just work in excel spreadsheets

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

How the 87,000 new IRS agents will shut down a lemonade stand when they learn the kid isn’t keeping a sales ledger

[The Dysfunctional Banker @RealBadBanker1]

Something I can relate to