Real Bible Tweets

Dead Sea Scroll fragments were actually history's first tweets. We provide your daily Bible funny.

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Andrew - A storm's coming toward our boat & we FORGOT TO BRING JESUS!!! #doomed

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❦Jonah - So thankful to be out of whale. Only wish it could've blown me out water spout instead of the whole vomiting thing. #nasty

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❦Philip - Get bread for 5,000 men? Sure, Jesus. Good thing I have a wheat field in my pocket. #sheesh

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Joseph - If only I'd worn my skinny robes. Potiphar's wife never could've grabbed it!

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❦Mark - The look on Peter's face when he took 2 steps on water & then started to sink? Priceless.

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❦Samson - Welcome to the gun show.

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❦God - Creation Day 6. Gonna throw a mean curve ball w/ the platypus. #HowWillEvolutionExplainThat

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Moses - Thought for sure "Thou shalt not be a jerk" was gonna make the Top Ten.

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❦Jesus - The Baptists are going to HATE my first miracle. #IKnowTheFuture #MomMadeMe

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❦Peter - Taxes done been paid! #FishyEconomics

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❦John - NO I HAVEN'T BEEN SMOKING ANYTHING! #RevelationIsReal

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❦Joshua - Wife wants me to mow. I marched around yard 7 times & blew horn... but nothing happened, so I'm mowing. #sigh

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❦Adam - Definitely the strawberries.

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Eve - Narrowing down what causes me to get pregnant. It's either eating snow, picking strawberries... or Adam's favorite thing.

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❦God - Every week, I'm reminded that the best idea I ever had was making everyone take a day off. #RestIsVeryGood

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦David - I hear the whispers, that I'm hiding cuz I'm scared of King Saul. Seriously, people? I KILLED GOLIATH!!! #NoFearJustObey

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Jabez - Said a little prayer, & out of the blue I get a surprise delivery of a gigantic tent! #PrayAndReceive

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦John - Even I don't have the first idea what I wrote. #Revelation

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦Peter - Crushed it. #OneSermonThreeThousandConverts

[Real Bible Tweets @RealBibleTweets]

❦John - For all of Jesus' amazing miracles, I can't understand why he hasn't cured Peter's ear-bursting snoring.