Cousin Nicky

He/Him | Smoking Area Feminist | Gamer | Terminally Online | Thoughtful Listener |

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

The public rightly expect government to be conducted properly, competently and unironically.

I recognise this may be my last job in government, but I believe these standards are worth fighting for and that is why I am resigning.

My letter to the Prime Minister below

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

@Keir_Starmer Thank you Sir 👊👍🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Or Burnham at this rate

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Tuchel getting a call from Rolf Harris before the Croatia game

[U.S. Soccer Men's National Team @USMNT]

Last night, we received a message of support from POTUS ahead of our World Cup journey.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Remember stopping at my gate at this airport for a Guinness and it tasted like a Greene King Guinness. About as ‘Irish’ as Charli XCX is Essex

[Dublin Airport @DublinAirport]

Lost on penalties. Obviously he is English after all.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

🚨🚨BREAKING: Donald Trump has been rushed to hospital, amid rumours his heart has failed.

[carly @inotcarly]

emereld fennell:

[Oli Dugmore @OliDugmore]

Rachel Reeves should be very careful arguing only graduates should pay for their degrees

Would be a lot of cold pensioners without our generation’s taxes. I don’t make much use of the nuclear deterrent either

Education is a public good, not a commodity

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Not even an hour into 2026 and someone’s mistaken me for paul mescal again. Got to stop this year guys

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

When the Paul Mescal fortnite skin comes out next year and they release a video of me doing this shit just shoot me dead

[Kurrco @Kurrco]

Playboi Carti shows off his Fortnite skills while playing as his own Fortnite skin 👀

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

@mattreevesLA Cook goat

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Upset strawberry blonde crying in the jungle because he saw a family photo… do me a favour. I’ve been taken out of my homeland fenland for 6 months due to my wife wanting to live in Cambridge. YOU MADE THE DECISION.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Incredible how good he comes across here. Proud to say I joined the green party (after my wife did) so I could vote him in. Imagining Sir Farter trying to go on this show and resorting to ‘errr… my father was a toolsman’. Tosser. Just pisses me off thinking about him.

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

Zack Polanski and Judi Love on The Last Leg

ZP, "These are tricky decisions for people in poverty, disabled, unemployed. When are there going to be tricky decisions for multimillionaires and billionaires. And actually tax the rich"

JL, "Show me a man that's come on live TV to get some votes.. I want the truth, nothing but the truth"

Adam Hills, "With Labour, Reform UK and the Tories all attacking the disabled, how would The Greens do things differently?"

ZP, "Nothing about us without us. Disabled people should be at the centre of the policy about disabled people. Better housing, better transport, its better for everyone including disabled people"

GK Barry, "Who would you cast as climate change in a movie?"

ZP, "Nigel Farage, he's full of hot air"

Adam Hills, "Why is The Green party against nuclear energy"

ZP, "Sizewell C has taken 27 years to build, it's like creating the fax machine right now. We need to invest in renewable, wind and solar"

Adam Hills, "Young people feel disconnected from politics"

ZP, "Stop saying we're inspired by young people, let's help them get into positions of power, invest in young people, give them the resources, confidence and skills, to represent themselves"

Adam Hills, "Green party stance on NATO?"

ZP, "Trump is an unreliable ally. He wants to annex Greenland. I want peace and diplomacy working with our European neighbours"

Adam Hills, "Do penguins have knees?"

ZP, "If they choose to, however they identify"

Adam Hills, "Has Zack ever smoked green, if so was it organic?"

ZP, "We need to legalise and regulate, we shouldn't be putting people in prison for cannabis"

Alex Brooker, "You said you could make women's boobs bigger through hypnotherapy.. You apologised.. How are you with hands?"

ZP, "It's funny because in the green room you were talking about other body parts"

Adam Hills, "Your thoughts on COP30?"

ZP, "We need to show global leadership. We've got a Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, who says he wants the greenest government ever, but he's still drilling for oil and gas, opening new airports. We also need to recognise that the global south, and countries like Jamaica that have just suffered a hurricane, we have a contribution to that. We need to be taxing the fossil fuel companies. And keep fossil fuels in the ground"

JL, "They should be teaching children how to spot a fake politician"

ZP, "Rachel Reeves did a course called PPE, as did Jeremy Hunt, and Ed Balls. I think we need to rename it as P*ss Poor Economics"

*I have friends who read PPE at Oxford, thankfully they're far more literate than Reeves*

Adam Hills, "People compare you to Mamdani"

ZP, "What people get wrong with Zohran, is that it's not just the social media, it's the message: lowering bills, taxing billionaires and making a city everyone can afford to live in. I want to make a country we can all afford to live in"

JL, "Wow.. He's got the chat, hasn't he. Damm brother, where are you from, the south?"

ZP & JL groove 🕺💃 👏

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Proper chuffed with that finale. For once I actually feel fulfilled with my tv license money. It was actually that good of a finale that I almost forgot about that absolute dross escape across the world bollocks they were putting on before it. God the waterworks have started xxx

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Never speak on my GOAT again.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

8th wave feminist

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

Girls sometimes just do wanna have fun

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

.@CambridgeNewsUK @Cambslive @BBCCambs

Just want to let you all know this weekend I completed all pubs in Cambridge. I went to all of them.

If you ever want an expert’s advice or tier list of the best pubs, my dms are open 👍

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

I am opposed to mandatory digital ID - people should be able to go about their daily lives without such infringements.

That aside, by calling it BritCard, the Prime Minister seems to be attempting to force every East Anglian to declare ourselves British.

I am a Farmer. 🚜

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

If you’re a pub bartender you literally cannot afford to have millenial humour. Slapping your forehead and saying ‘that cider was supposed to have blackcurrant cordial wasn’t it?’ Is going to lead to a very nasty google review.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

People just trying to live their lives every single day will be victimised to a point of extinction. How can you live among people who constantly think you should die? You shouldn’t.

[Cousin Nicky @RealCousinNicky]

For at least 6 years I’ve said that Trans people will and are becoming the scapegoat for any problem. They will be used as a vessel to push for far-right ideology.

Rising costs? Trans!
Non living wages? Trans!
Loss of previous expected culture points? Trans!!!!!

[Disclose.tv @disclosetv]

JUST IN - Charlie Kirk’s alleged assassin Tyler Robinson lived with his transgender partner — NYP