Jonathan Harker

Real estate solicitor. Aspiring food / travel blogger. Married to Mina ♥ #DraculaDaily

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Dracula couldn't kill me, but Elon Musk might... so before I disappear, thank you all for coming along on this journey with me. I hope each and every one of you has a joyful, vampire-free life and that your food always has exactly the right amount of paprika. 💖

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

We named our son Quincey 😭

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Van Helsing was really like "RIP to other vampire hunters but I'm different"

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Life comes at you fast. You think you're gonna be young forever and then suddenly you're an old married gray-haired law partner and instead of drinking and partying, you and your friends only talk about finding enough guns to fend off the supernatural wolves.

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

9:00 AM-2:00 PM: bribes at the Port Authority
2:00 PM: Discover a grisly murder
4:00 PM: Tea

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Only one thing can save us now: TRAIN SCHEDULES

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

@ Dracula: it's knives o'clock b*tch

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

"Yeah, let's not tell the Harkers we're worried about Mina turning into a vampire" dude you are literally checking her teeth rn

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

"Czarina Catherine reported this morning from Dardanelles."

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

👍

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Actual photo of Arthur Godalming telling me his plans for getting access to Dracula's ship:

[ghost friend 💜👻♠️ @datheneth]

@RealJHarker you’re famous

https://t.co/D4E9uZI0Kk

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

AITA because I wouldn't promise to stake my wife through the heart and cut her head off? (I know how this sounds, but let me explain)

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

GODDAMMIT

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Well, things are horrible and terrifying but at least I definitely don't have to go back to Transylvania.

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Not sure I love this whole "my wife has a psychic connection with a vampire" thing.

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

Well, things are horrible and terrifying but at least I definitely don't have to go back to Transylvania.

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

*Shot of a bunch of guys wearing ski masks in a dark basement, putting communion wafers in boxes of dirt*
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got here

[Jonathan Harker @RealJHarker]

READ THE ROOM, ABRAHAM.