Gordo Bastardo

They were giving out Bronze Stars like candy during Desert Storm but I earned mine!

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

Chick magnet, like me!

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

OMG! My doppelgängers on rice burners. Folks, this is what it looks like to eat your way out of the Army, just like me and my fat, toxic ass. #FatBastard

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Remember when these brothers became famous just for being a couple of great fat bastards?

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

When you're chilling in your lavender jacket chopping some shit with an axe but the ladies just can’t enough of your skunk hair.

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

Must be an LSU fan.

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

Me as a small child.

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

As my lying fat ass always says, you gotta dress for success. Maybe I can get someone to knit me one of these if I supply the truckload of yarn it would take. #FatBastard #ToxicArmyCivilian #OxygenThief

[Mindy MF Robinson 🦄 @iheartmindy]

Everything I want to say about this will probably get me kicked off Twitter. This is some tragic sh*t, y’all.

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

I'd date anybody or anything that would have me. #FatBastard #Incel #ToxicArmyTurd

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

This would be me if they made skateboards strong enough to hold my fat ass. #FatBastard

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

It's called projection. Just like the kid who shits his pants with a nasty fart is the first and loudest to yell about how bad it is. What's that old saying, "first smeller is the feller".

[Jordan Rachel @TheJordanRachel]

So let me get this straight, Donald Trump got impeached for something Joe Biden did..?

And he got investigated for 3 years for something Hillary Clinton did..?

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

Me trying to chase that elusive promotion that my fat ass doesn't deserve. #FatBastard

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

@RealJamesWoods Was this filmed outside of the 7-11 that Joe Biden frequents? Asking for a friend....

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

@SusanStJames3 Spent 30 years as a Stupid Bastard; 7 deployments, 150+ jumps (1 combat), TBI, 2 knee and 1 shoulder replacement. And yes, I would do all over again if I had the opportunity. #StupidBastards

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

I hate it when one of my former employees celebrates not working for me anymore like this. I know she's only trying to get her self-respect back and my stank off of her. She is smokin' hot! #MissAMCOM #JabatheHut #FatBastard #TonsofFun #FormerArmy

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

What's wrong with that? Cheese graders can be quite handy, especially if you look and act like me! 🙀#FatBastard #ToxicArmyTurd

[Edmund Blackadder QC 3.5% Brain Function @WeDoNotLearn73]

I’d rather have a cheese grater wank me off.

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

I love cliff diving. An actual video of my latest olympic effort. Reminds me of my stellar leadership abilities in the Army...nothing but a damn loud belly flop! #FatBastard #ToxicArmyCivilian

[Gordo Bastardo @RealKeithERyan]

@SusanStJames3 Nadler is the closest thing to a Weeble I've ever seen. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!