Matthias Underwood

Yes, this is a parody.

Best color man in the business.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

Kevin Love looks like the 18 YO college freshman with a new fake ID that didn't expect to get into the bar, and doesn't know what to do now.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

@KenCarman we celebrating tonight, Ken? Should I tell the wife we’re smoking in the house?

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

EVERYONE SPARK UP YOUR MARB LIGHTS FOR SLADE TO HAVE A GOOD OUTING

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

That’s the most impressive three-batter stretch I’ve ever seen out of Bibee.

Go get the guy some goddamn run support.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

CJ Kayfus HBP to score Petey Halpin to secure a playoff berth.

Just like we all drew it up back in April.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

Jose.

FUCKING.

Ramirez.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

Another Sunday of Browns football.

Another Sunday leaving me needing to chain smoke.

We’re so fucking back.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

It’s not a midlife crisis until you buy a Miata & driving gloves, @KenCarman.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

*knocking at door*

“Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Ty Jerome?”

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

@KenCarman what’s AJ McCarron up to these days? Feels like if the Browns sign an ex-bengals QB, it’s the final infinity stone of the washed AFC north QB gauntlet.

There HAS to be some sort of prize for that, right?

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

*knocks on the door*

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Ty Jerome?

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

“BOSTONS HEAD COACH LOOKS LIKE DIGLETT!” - #YinzerWifey

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

Hey @KenCarman - next time we rip heaters over black velvet and embrace the silence and darkness of our Browns fandom, can we invite @John_Fanta?

Feels like he passed the vibes check after today’s call.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

You okay over there, @KenCarman? Need me to come by with some black velvet and George Strait vinyls?

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

I’m just saying. It’s not too late, we could still sacrifice Deshaun in Ra’s name.

We certainly tried worse around here.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

What if, hear me out, we sacrifice Deshaun to the Sun God Ra?

At worst, we get a better crop yield and three months of Jameis’ antics.

At best, well, anything is better than this.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

What’s the opposite feeling of when you have to shit after you take a shower in the morning and your day is ruined?

That’s me today.

[ESPN @espn]

Breaking: Deshaun Watson tore his achilles again and underwent surgery Thursday. His status for the 2025 season is now in jeopardy, sources told @AdamSchefter.

Watson tore his right Achilles tendon Oct. 20, marking the second straight year his season ended because of injury.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

Ryan Day is gonna be on a zoom call with Matt Eberflus tomorrow morning.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

We are so gloriously fucked.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

*turns on the OSU game*

#YinzerWifey: “Oh, Ohio State is playing Penn State?

…did you know that Joe knew?”

Sometimes you realize you picked a winner. Sometimes they do the work for you.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

It was SO nice to watch a Browns game with my wife & daughter and NOT have to describe our starting QB as a pervert, or feel shame for rooting for a guy’s success on the field.

I could get used to this.

[Matthias Underwood @RealMattyDubbs]

aye mannn if you’re celebrating a WR dropping an open catch after he roasted you off the line you need to look yourself in the mirror that’s BULLSHIT. Be better.

[Greg Newsome II @gnewsii]

aye mannn if you cheer for a guy being injured you need to look yourself in the mirror that’s BULLSHIT. Be better.