Miss Manners

Born a perfect lady in an imperfect society, Judith Martin is the pioneer mother of today's civility movement.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Have you ever arrived at the theater after many people in your row were seated, and counted on their accepting the inconvenience of having to let you crowd by them to reach your seat? Equivalent courtesy should be extended to those who are departing before you.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

As far as Miss Manners knows, the only taste ban on attending funerals is lovers or enemies of the deceased whose presence would upset the family.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Returning presents to their donor is an insult, however kind your motives are.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Miss Manners starts from the premise that gift giving is a choice—not a requirement—and that gratitude is therefore always the correct response absent direct evidence of malicious intent.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

It is wrong to strip the decor after attending an event unless asked to do so by the host.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

It is true that you cannot challenge anyone to a duel while that person is a guest in your house.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Concert halls are one of the venues where people most irritate one another, although not quite up there with grocery store lines.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Contrary to popular belief, it is the restaurant’s job to provide proper utensils for eating, not the customer’s responsibility to figure out how to do without.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

People selling things and those in their grips—which, these days, seems to be everyone—promote the idea that Technology Changes Everything. Miss Manners has noticed that this is seldom the case as regards etiquette.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Meetings should start on time. Only the person who brings home-baked treats is forgiven for bursting in a few minutes late. Social events tend to allow a tiny bit of leeway, even though the host then has to listen to tedious descriptions of the traffic.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Alas, we do not live in reasonable or neighborly times.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Miss Manners will point out that good manners need not mean being bulldozed by others. Politely setting boundaries is warranted, especially when it is also for the benefit of everyone else.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Etiquette—etiquette so reflexive and ingrained that one acts on that, even when you feel like saying, “Oh, shut up!”— matters.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Who even knows what “wedding” means now? The term is used to mean extravaganzas lasting over several days, which may or may not include the act of getting legally married, either because the couple is already married, or because they do not intend to get married.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

What Miss Manners objects to in party invitations is the deception. If you are inviting people to a party, you should not expect them to contribute. But if you are inviting them to a fundraiser, you are expecting them to contribute—it is right there in the title.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Miss Manners is no longer surprised at crassness and greed in what are supposed to be social transactions.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Someone who cares about the people involved in a wedding enough to attend will also want to give something symbolic of good wishes. Anyone who doesn’t care all that much need only decline and offer written good wishes.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Miss Manners has noticed that there is enough intentional rudeness around that you needn’t parse remarks that are obviously well intentioned.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

It never fails to amaze Miss Manners when people believe that their spouses would behave better for her sake than for theirs.

[Miss Manners @RealMissManners]

Sometimes being polite is no more complex than keeping one’s criticisms, no matter how reasonable they may be, to oneself.