Diary of a Real Mom

I'm a mom. I don't remember the rest.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

The Oscar should really go to the mom who pretends to be shocked when her child finds their artwork in the trash again. #AcademyAwards #Oscars #AcademyAwards2019

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

If you didn’t Instagram a picture of your kids with a caption of how much you love these “turkeys,” did you even have Thanksgiving?

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@ScaryMommy @simoncholland is that you?

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

You know you’re old when you drive through town and point out what all the businesses used to be. #SundayMorning

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

Supermarket Sweep but you’re shopping with your toddler and you’re trying to beat naptime and everything’s on fire.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@POPSUGARMoms Yep! My grandma taught me to put a wet washcloth in the dryer to get the wrinkles out, and that works too! Total timesaver!

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@POPSUGARMoms Yummy!

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

Remember back in the day when we had to read actual magazines while going potty?

[Beth Moore @BethMooreLPM]

The thing about walking with Jesus is that, a good bit of the time, you may not know where on God’s green earth you’re going but you’ve got mighty good company getting there.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@simoncholland @HuffPostParents We took our kids to DisneyWorld, and what’s my daughter’s #1 memory? That we wouldn’t buy her one of those balloons. 🤷‍♀️ I give up. 😂

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@nottheworstmom Pretty eyes though! 😍

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@ScaryMommy

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

I owe most of my success as a mother to coffee and dry shampoo.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

I’m just saying, if Duchess Meghan keeps her US citizenship, she could run for President in 2020 and then we’d have Meghan as President and #PrinceHarry as First Husband. It all comes full circle. This could totally work. #MeghanMarkle #MeghanAndHarry #2020

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

It turns out marriage is mostly bumping into each other in the house and saying “I didn’t know you were standing right behind me! You scared me!” Just over and over again.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@MrsShookums Haha! But maybe that means you are being healthy and staying off Chinese food! My emails are asking why I haven’t been to the gym in forever! 😂

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

When my workout place sends me “We’ve missed you” emails, maybe all of my summer goals didn’t go as planned. #ThursdayMotivation #Summer

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@patnspankme @nottheworstmom In high school, a guy I had a crush on walked up to me and said I had “good birthing hips.” I really wish I was making this up but sadly I’m not.

[Diary of a Real Mom @RealMomDiary]

@HonestToddler I took my kids in their pajamas and when we got home? Straight to bed. Also movie popcorn was their dinner. Great way to kill the last few hours before bedtime. 🤷‍♀️ #NoShameInMyMomGame

[Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4]

Day 53 of summer vacation:

“After you die in this Fortnite battle, clean your room” is something I say now.