The Real Rodney Lacroix

Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: | Latest Tweets:

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

[Bath & Body Works]

Me: I need a bottle of body lotion for my wife.
Clerk: These are Buy 3 Get 1 Free.
Me: I just need this one here.
Clerk: That's not Buy 3 Get 1 but it IS Buy 1 Get 2 and if you buy this it's Buy 2 Get 3 Free.
Me [leaving with 300 bottles]: how did this happen

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

My seasonal allergies were just arrested for premeditated murder.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@juliaeatsjulia Weird. Usually he pays women for his strokes.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Daughter is home from college and wants to know if we want to go do something at 9 PM. Uh, we don’t do that here.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

This dog treat originally came in a birthday set, with another cookie that said “party.”

However, this is the only one left, so this cookie looks like it says “let’s bone.“

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

There is a worker cleaning out the storm drains in my neighborhood, so this seems like a good time to put my Pennywise Halloween costume to use.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@b_goolli I have good rates on several trips to the local mall for ya.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

I've had three of my Twitter followers now book vacations with me.

Only 44,997 left of you to go.

Hurry up and book a trip with me. I have another kid to put through college. Jesus.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@juliaeatsjulia

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@juliaeatsjulia same

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@emily_tweets

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@julesaverne wooooooooooooooooooo

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@juliaeatsjulia Thank you!!

*the preceding was not a paid advertisement

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

Me: It’s “National Leave the Office Early Day.”

Boss: Ummm it’s only 8:30 AM and you just got h-

Me [already driving away]: I DON’T MAKE THE RULES MIKE.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

If Xfinity was a wide receiver and the football was their Internet service they'd have been cut in training camp for dropping it so often.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

My trash collection service is going up four dollars to adjust for increased gas prices, and I think that’s just garbage.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

My kids got me a beer making kit for Christmas so look out for Rodweiser at your local beer store soon.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

I’m at the part of my French lessons where describing any number over 20 requires knowing calculus.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

FFS IT IS ALMOST JUNE

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

I told my wife I feel a cold coming on so she has already moved out.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

@HammerInTheA755 So good

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

🚨 BREAKING: Sexual Chocolate has dropped out of Trump’s Freedom 250 Concert.