San Andreas Fault

I am the San Andreas Fault. I am 810 miles long. I can't wait to destroy you all.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

When ppl talk about how the drought is destroying #California I get so jealous. #earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Look, don't think of me as an earthquake. Think of me as Mother Nature's vibrator. #mondaymotivation #Happiness

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Trump 2016! I'm not usually political, just a huge fan of incredibly destructive forces. #DonaldTrump #Election2016

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

What is an earthquake's favorite breakfast? Quaker Oats. Thank you, thank you. None of you are safe. #earthquake #funny

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

So it took ppl less than 24 hours to ruin @TayandYou Ready for me to hit reset on CA now? #taytweets #earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Testing, testing, 1...2...2.9 in Central CA. I'm baaaack! Just a reminder I can crank it up to 11 at any time.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

If you think #LosAngeles roads are bad now just wait until I get through with them.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

#TBT to that time they made a #movie about me and some muscled up #jabroni ruined everything. #TheRock #earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Even if I hit, the biggest disaster in California this year will still be the Rams. #earthquake #Rams #football

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

My #WCW today: Mama June. The ground, it shakes when she walks.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Sleep well #California. I'll be waking up soon :)

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Mmm yes, please keep building houses in California. Million dollar homes are my favorite delicacy. #earthquake #realestate

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

It's a bee-u-tiful day #California. Should we end this thing on a high note? #earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

@Franklin_Graham I am your God. Feed me.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

A 2.8 in Crete, Greece. Pretty weak if you ask me. I've had bigger aftershocks. #RichterScale #earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Why is an #earthquake better than #baseball? I don't need 3 strikes to take you out. Boom! Seriously, baseball is terrible.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

How is an #earthquake like #bowling? When I strike, no one is spared. Heyo! For real though, none of you are safe. Happy Tuesday.

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Sleep tight #California. Tomorrow I might decide to shake things up. #Earthquake

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Get ready for an earth-shaking split like you haven't felt since your parents' divorce. #ItWasYourFault #HappyMonday #earthquake #divorce

[San Andreas Fault @RealSAFault]

Rush hour on the #405 is the worst. Would you like me to fix that?