Wicked Witch of the Midwest

If you’re feeling awful, eat a waffle. She/her

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Gabriella quitting her job in High School Musical 2 just because she was mad at Troy for not giving her enough attention was another level of extra.

[John Green @sportswithjohn]

People keep saying that soccer is too low-scoring but the Super Bowl is currently 0 to 0.5.

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

#THELITTLEMERMAID #PrinceEric #HighSchoolMusical #troybolton

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Same exact energy

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

People ask me what breastfeeding is like. I just say “have you ever played Bop It?”

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

All these YouTube makeup influencers telling me my winged eyeliner should be “sisters not twins.” My eyeliner over here having two different dads

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Whoever made up the phrase “don’t cry over spilled milk” never had to breastfeed a baby.

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Gen Z fashion be like:

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Someone please make a super cut of Luke Danes giving THE most awkward hugs. #gilmoregirls

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

Me: do I have to pay my student loans on Sept 1 or not

US Govt: it’s surprise 😝

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Me trying to avoid House of Dragon spoilers today #HouseOfTheDragonHBO

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m upset that my baby looks more like my husband.

Ummmm no???? I married him because I like his face???????????

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

My parenting style is called ‘just winging it’

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Apparently Metallica puts my newborn to sleep. So that’s new.

[Flieman @TFlieman]

“ We have plenty of newborn diapers.” -Me

-My newborn son

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

God doesn’t care about the unborn you jagweeds. He kills children and fetuses all the time in the Bible. Did y’all even read it?????

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Can someone make better maternity clothes please!? Just because I’m procreating doesn’t mean I’m moving into the little house on the prairie???

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

NFTs are literally the Beanie Babies of today

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Y’all know I’m old ‘cause I still have one of these bad boys in my car. Catch me changing CDs at a red light 😂

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Y’all I’m gonna be a WHOLE MOTHER in July. Shit is wild.

[Wicked Witch of the Midwest @RealSlimKaylee]

Not to be dramatic but chevron makes me want to die