Smoking Dave

I'm 90 something yrs old, chain smoke unfiltered Camels & I'm the announcer of the @hbwhbp but most importantly I have immaculate butt cheeks.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

Threesome!RT @nypost: Best friends for 80 years move into same senior home ❤️ https://t.co/Y5IfhXFjx4

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@barstoolsports That’s total BS. I am the jock cleaner for Kim Jong-Un. If his jock has 1 speck of dirt on it I will be executed instantly. That’s pressure.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat What course? I could use a free round. Hopefully it’s not at Briarwood because I have been banned from there for allegedly shitting in the steam room.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@danabeers That makes sense considering you made a messi at Te’ Jay’s last night. Clean up your cum after you read the fuck book. It’s a common courtesy. You’re lucky I spoke with Te’ Jay himself and got you a warning instead of a permanent ban. See ya there later tonight. Say 2 AM

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@MeganMakinMoney I’m gonna buy 10 ounces of Mexican heroin if this wins. Wish us luck!!!

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@MeganMakinMoney Hey @danabeers if you wear your pants a little tighter maybe your tiny wang will show through. See ya at Te’ Jay’s later tonight. Let’s say 2 AM as usual.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat I’m playing Gertha Finklestein in pickleball tonight. Game starts in 30 min. She’s 87 years old and has a bad hip. Take me on the moneyline. I’m pretty wasted right now but confident I will win.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@danabeers Dana pisses like a broken water gun. I, on the other hand piss like a racehorse. Coming to Te’ Jay’s tonight tubby?

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat Did @danabeers invite you to his party tonight at Te’ Jay’s or is he too fucking embarrassed to admit he goes there 4 nights a week? Party starts at 2 AM. See ya there hopefully

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat Did you buy those in honor of @danabeers and his mini wang? See ya at Te’ Jay’s later Dana. You better fucking show up.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat Elmo’s a prick. We shared a prostitute and an 8 ball one weekend back in 2017 and that cheap fuck still hasn’t paid me back.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@stoolpresidente I once did coke with a homeless man from Ghana. He was a cool dude. Way to to Ghana!!

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@stoolpresidente I once picked up a prostitute from the Congo. She was lovely. Great country!!!

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@elio82 Respectfully, Is she single? Can you hook me up? Respectfully of course.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@elio82 Elio, you should marinate that overnight in the fridge in a bowl of olive oil and a tiny bit of urine. You’ll thank me tomorrow!

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@EddieBarstool Ed, me and my boys are here also. You are invited to our nude pancake breakfast tomorrow morning. We have invited you in the past. You better show up this time!!!!

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@BarstoolBigCat My cat Buttcheeks is a phenomenal athlete. He’s never dropped a ball. He is also fantastic at licking cat nip off my balls. I’d put him up there with secretariat any day.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@realjaycea @elio82 Are you two morons? I just checked the math. 3+3=6. I double checked with my calculator. Where the fuck did you two go to school?

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@danabeers I’ve seen you play for Barstool NY. No way you averaged a double double unless you’re talking about shitting and jerking off 10 times a day.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@RobbieBarstool I hope you made the cut Rob. Did you happen to show any wang? Spielberg needs more nudity in his films if you ask me.

[Smoking Dave @RealSmokingDave]

@danabeers Holy fuck, this could be a book at Te’ Jay’s. @stoolpresidente

[Big Cat @BarstoolBigCat]

What a squad @StellaBlueCoff @PAWSChicago