Tim Smiley

Where's George amirite?

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

OMG. I just realized my password wasn't working and 648 Tweets never got twatted. #yourloss

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

People say I’m ineffective, but at least I vote. #VoiceSaveRayshun #VoiceSaveDRKing

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Thanksgiving always makes me #relish my favorite condiments #wordplay #thousandislanddressing #mayo #gravy #ketchup

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Can’t wait to celebrate five years of #BlackFriday flat screens. Should I️ put the old one in the kitchen or the bathroom? Just kidding, I️ already have one in the bathroom.

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

If your balls aren’t perfectly spherical, is it still called a snowball fight? #FoodForThought #SnowBlobFight #ThisIsWhyIPlayPaintball

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Found an Andrew Jackson coming out of my polling place #votersluck #wheresgeorge

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Are people wearing jackets to golf tomorrow? What’s worse, being chilly or giving your Gore-Tex cart crinkle? Going to bogie. I know it.

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Some smart ass at work said I was the second most terrible thing on Twitter today, but I told him I was #1 #jokesonhim #dudesnotevenfunny

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

New Rule: any kids wearing the same costumes as last year are getting expired snacks from the pantry #thisguyhashadituptohere #halloween2017

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Just found a receipt in my car for a soft drink I bought on 9/18 at Sherman Ave @sheetz Wondering if I was charged for a L instead of a M 🤔

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Does anyone know if you can sub a portobello for a crimini mushroom in a recipe? #newchef

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

TFW you forget to make reservations and can't get seated for brunch even though the place is half empty. Is that pessimistic? #hangry

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

12:30 a.m. Sunday. Work is less exhausting than the day I had. Monday will be a #cakewalk

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Ran 2.8 miles in the heat, drove 55 miles in gridlock traffic, showered for 7 minutes. #Triathlon #triathlete

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Thursdays were the worst days. Sometimes feels like it's only #humpday Sometimes you think it's already #TGIF #limbo #thursdayisthenewmonday

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

#HumpDay

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

@katiefehlinger Do you use a Farmer's Almanac to predict the weather? #foodforthought

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Why does everything have to be so hard? Literally can't decide between Shaker Beige or Putnam Ivory. HELP!!!

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Did Leah Remini have to wear a lab coat when she was a scientologist or was she exempt for celebrity status? Hmm 🤔#interesting #scientology

[Tim Smiley @RealTimSmiley]

Just another manic Monday. Is that a song?