Neil McFarlane

Stand-up comic, irregular actor. Quaffer of Some Wines & Spirits, gentleman adventurer, accomplished murderer. I collect tropical fish and eat them. Move along.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Genuine, possibly vapidly-ignorant question: when companies get fined by regulators, for example a water company or rail operator - who gets the money? Where does it go?

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

If you don't want a breed of dog banned then maybe don't fuckin' call it the "American XL Bully". Just a thought...

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

@TuckerCarlson
I do hope you got to read this review, Tucker.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Fucking hilarious.

[JokePit The Comedy Box Office @PromoteComedy]

Lonestar Comedy at the Royal Oak in Hawkhurst
Fri 8th Sep 8pm
The Royal Oak #Cranbrook #UKcomedy

@ComedyLonestar
LINE-UP
@jonnyawsum
@ReasonableNeil
Dan Evans

TIX
https://t.co/kWZiSMvgtp

#JOKEPIT THE BEST⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐INDEPENDENT COMEDY CLUBS

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Tomorrow evening in pretty, sunlit Marlow, I'm competing with some very fine fellow comics in my heat of the British Comedian of the Year.

If you fancy some shade, please do pop along and support... us all!

Nx

https://t.co/9ca7RkT1uX

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Good to know that Private Rod has his own office these days.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Can we all just be clear about this?

THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MUGSHOT. WAKE UP.

Have you never seen a film?

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Hot salad. According to this poster I'm not gigging tomorrow at Leith Depot but I bloody well am. And it's going to be gorgeous. So do come and we'll all have a whizzy jolly time of it.
Tell your friends, enemies and any more advanced pets. Let's DO THIS.
https://t.co/Mq1Pv1LaN3

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

This is utterly baffling and more than a little concerning. I truly don't understand what the actual fuck is going on.

Is it AI?

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Pretty obvious innit?

Abdicate and let her be in charge.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Tonight I'm being funny in Fife. With two monstrously entertaining chaps called Matthew Baylis & Bill Dewar.

https://t.co/qutxcft1lt

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Looks like my specs were a little bit freaked out during the night.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

My shoe looks either amazed or furious.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Tomorrow evening I'll be feckin' all kinds-a-shit up in Crouch End. Specifically @downstairskhead where @JezODonnell, Dave Ward & @IAmSeanGorman will be in in the safe & capable but surprisingly soft & gentle hands of @michaellegge.

Get along with you.

https://t.co/cpErY0T2Yu

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

The one thing I don't need is anything else.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Rather chuffulated to be opening the batting @ComedyClubUK in Southend-on-Sea, this actual very Friday, in the HOT company of MC @Adam___Morrison and headliner @RudiLickwood

Oh I do like to gig beside the seaside.

https://t.co/ntOTU2QdDK

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

MCing the Legendary Comedy Tryout Night Downstairs at the Kings Head in Crouch End. Some great people on - in fact a lovely mix of people I like and people I don't know. And a stranger's just a friend I haven't met yet. 🤮

Anyway, y'all comin'.

https://t.co/n24q7dNjDv

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Why are there peepholes in the fire exits at this hotel? If there's a fire we're not going to pause our escape and peep to see if there's something even worse outside.

[Neil McFarlane @ReasonableNeil]

Hey, Nissan. "Who said electricity can't be bold?"

Nobody. Ever.

#atleastnotuntiltheystartedtakingthepissoutofyouradcampaign