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Not everything is meant to be. (Parody Account)

[Rejected From Pottermore @RejectedPotter]

Once a person turns into a vampire, their anus seals up because they do not require it due to their liquid only blood diet.

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The Hufflepuff Common Room has a passageway to Disneyland made of lollipops

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All wizards have purple penises

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Freddie Mercury was actually a wizard and intended Hogwarts. Ravenclaw House! I am in no way capitalizing on the success of Bohemian Rhapsody at the Golden Globes.

[Rejected From Pottermore @RejectedPotter]

Crookshanks was a reincarnation of one Quirinus Quirrell after he “died.”

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Jesus was actually Wizard #777, thank you very much.

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Dementors are made out of farts.

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Lavender Brown miraculously changed races in between movies because she’s a Metamorphmagus. It is in no way because we didn’t want to give a black actress a substantial role.

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Dobby’s alive now because I said so

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Gilderoy Lockhart is the nephew of Ron Weasley. Originally Glabbergust Granger, he traveled back in time to 1974 with the aid of a Time Turner. Just in time to attend Hogwarts!

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Alcatraz and Azkaban were once one Alcatrazkaban before there was a schism regarding its Muggle and Wizard prisoners.

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The Hungarian Horntail was Filius Flitwick in animagus form.

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Bellatrix Lestrange was 1/8 hippogryff.

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Barack Obama is a wizard and he went to Illvermorny. His house was Pukwudgie.

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Leprechaun vomit rubbed on a person’s genitals will cure any STD.

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Yes but they are called flimbleflambles. Do try to keep up.

[Reecycakes @reecycakes]

@BaltechBudapest @RejectedPotter Wizard ovaries also have fantastic creatures, but they're called wattlewickers.

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The Chamber of Secrets was a metaphor for Watergate. Pretty sneaky, right?

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Albus Dumbledore made it to the Moon before America with the aid of a Bubblehead Charm. #GayLegend

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The female form of “Muggle” is “Muggette” though it fell out of vogue in 1787.

[Rejected From Pottermore @RejectedPotter]

From 1984-1985, one DADA teacher was a man who simply called himself The Doctor. Give me attention!