TheRespectfulMum

Zoe Ayre. Writer and Children’s Book Author. Featured in Absolutely Mama, The Natural Parent Magazine and The Green Parent Magazine.

[Dan Wuori @DanWuori]

I want to talk about trust and attachment in young children. And there’s no video here for good reason.

Several of you have recently tagged me to ask my thoughts on trending videos depicting parents engaging in one appalling behavior or another - in pursuit, apparently, of social media likes.

In one trend, parents pretend to be FaceTiming with their child’s new kindergarten teacher and call their child over to meet her. When they get to the phone, the child comes face to face with a photo of a scary looking adult (which in some cases appear to be mugshots of women deep in the throes of drug addiction, if, in fact, they are real at all). The children are almost always alarmed. Often they cry.

During one of the biggest transitions in their young child’s life (the start of school), these parents have chosen to stoke anxiety rather than provide comfort.

Other recent trends have involved parents in throwing slices of American cheese at their toddlers - or, more recently, unexpectedly cracking a raw egg on their child’s forehead during a joint cooking activity.

Obviously I’m not going to uplift any examples here. But I do want to address the harm these kinds of behaviors create from a developmental perspective.

The years of early childhood are a time during which trust and attachment are (ideally) formed. With love, attention, and responsive caregiving, young children learn that their world is safe. They develop self worth and self esteem. These are prerequisites to both learning and healthy development.

But the key to developing trust is consistency.

And the behaviors in these videos - even if rare and anomalous - serve only to undermine healthy attachment between parent and child. They provide children with data points that suggest their parents can be unexpectedly and arbitrary cruel. They are a violation of hard earned trust.

Some will argue that these are just jokes in good fun. They aren’t. They are the deliberate infliction of trauma, however brief, for the amusement of strangers. It should go without saying that this isn’t good for children.

Please. Don’t. Just don’t.

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

Raising toddlers be like “play birthday Arlo” on repeat when it hasn’t been Arlo’s birthday since April.

[HuffPost UK Parents @HPUKParents]

These mothers prove no two breastfeeding journeys are the same. https://t.co/8Ubcbjb3sh

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites @Lydiarosesteph Or get a dog 😂 honestly I can’t tell you how much it helps with the food mess raising toddlers

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites 😂😂😂

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ImogenWK I don’t think he still does it but my dad used to microwave eggs as a quick version of a fried egg sandwich 🤢

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites @hollyjxo 😐😩 this sounds like us too.

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites @x_emilyyy What happens if you don’t even get waitlisted?! All hopes over? 😐😩

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@graceclarke And the love we both have for our daughter is indescribable. We’re at the toddler years, and whilst it can be tough I’ve never experienced something so rewarding. Nurturing a tiny being is pretty great.

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@graceclarke Yes you do lose some things along the way for sure, but the way you emerge from the ashes makes it all worthwhile. Ref relationships, I thought I couldn’t love my husband more pre kids but the love and respect I have for him now is tenfold.

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites Noooo 😐

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

Anyone else have regret that they taught their breastfeeding toddler how to say booby, and now when you’re out in public they repeatedly shout, “booby” “more booby!” 😅😂 or just me?

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@ellaluciewrites I was just saying to Andy last night how the absolute bonkers-ness of toddlers brings a much needed joy into the home!

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@heidiscrim Hi Heidi, I’ve dropped you an email ❤️

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@KatStorrWriter Hi, I’ve DMd you x

[BPAS @BPAS1968]

Parents are using watered down feeds, condensed milk, and second-hand opened tubs because they cannot afford to safely feed their babies.

Tell @aldiuk @tesco @asda @sainsburys @morrisons to take action: https://t.co/oGD3tyYU5r

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@rosey_davidson Totally on board with you!

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@annabelflora Hi Annabel, I’ve dropped you an email! Great topic- I hope you like my thoughts xx

[TheRespectfulMum @RespectfulMum]

@PregnantScrewed @ellaluciewrites x