Slappy Gilmore

Read fast, die old, leave a maddening labyrinth of books. he/him/dude

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

The distant future is closer than its ever been. I just hope that's a good thing.

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

Look what I learned on Duolingo in 2024! #Duolingo365

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

...and if you see one set of footprints in the sand it's because I left you in the hotel room when you got sick from the dodgy seafood buffet and I went for a walk on the beach to smoke some of the local crack I bought from the ice cream vendor

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

Getting kicked off whatsapp for asking the AI to make a thousand pictures of Tom and Jerry sharing a fat blunt

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

*Remembering to catch an uber you have to think like an uber*
If I was a white 2004 toyota corolla where would I be

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

"Unhinged?" Buddy, you think I'm "unhinged"? This is me fully hinged. I got a pocket full of hinges I can throw out right now. This is me fully hingeful. You wish this was as unhinged as I can be. You should be thankful that I'm as hinged as I am right now. You have no idea

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

ɐᴉɯ ɐɯɯɐW

[Working Class History @wrkclasshistory]

#OtD 28 Apr 1945 Italy's fascist dictator, Benito Mussolini, was executed by anti-fascist partisans. His body was then hung up in Milan's Piazzale Loreto, a square in which 15 partisans had been killed and left publicly to rot the previous year https://t.co/Bdj9CoICq8

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

@Uberutang Cool. Ranges from "probably nothing" to "Glaucoma, also there's no cure so tough shit scamp"

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

I got a bit of a weird question: is it normal for people's eyes to change colour as they get older? I've had green eyes my whole life and now, in my mid 30s, my eyes have become more blue. Is that an insane thing? Am I losing pigment or something? Wtf is going on?

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

"Hey, do you think Two-Face has one regular testicle and one that's all weird?"

Macdonald's employee: "look, dude, of course he does; Thats why everybody's scrote has that seam."

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

They called the magic space dust from Dune "spice" because simmnamyn was too hard to spell

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

I recently replaced my car's brake lights and i now need to replace the window controller. This car is turning me into a MANLY MAN WHO FIXES HIS OWN CAR™

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

So the 6m tall translucent monolith that popped up a week ago has been gently humming since the solar eclipse yesterday. Its pretty cool, but, like, do something. Humming isn't really a "thing". If it was pulsing that would be dope. The neighbourhood kids are bored and mocking me

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

Other people's pinterest: "here's some cute aesthetic photos of weddings and stuff"

Mine: "you know h@mas? Yeah, they're making fucking rockets out of sugar and fertilizer and you can too for less than $8. Also, here's some prison knives"

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

I've just done some quick maths and it turns out there's a real possibility that I was conceived on my dad's birthday.

So... it's been a tough morning.

[Bill @Inte_Grill_ism]

Can we all agree, gentlemen?

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

"Dune 2 is not that good"

"Where did you watch it?"

"On my tablet in 15 min intervals over several days from a camrip I downloaded on an Indian site so its got hindi subtitles and English voice and some guy goes to the bathroom at like 2h15."

"... zendaya's hot tho."

"So hot"

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

We're through the looking glass. In order to use TikTok on our phones we need some form of electricity, right? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's how this works. You guys are notoroius for not doing the one thing y'all need to do.

[@CityPowerJhb @CityPowerJhb]

Hey everyone! Welcome to the official TikTok account for CityPower Johannesburg! We're here to shed light on everything electrifying happening in the heart of the city. From power outage updates to energy-saving tips and behind-the-scenes glimpses into our operations, we've got you covered. Stay tuned for electrifying content and join us in powering up Johannesburg!

Follow the link below 👇
https://t.co/sL5jmaiLv7

We are @CityPowerJohannesburg #CityPowerEngages ^MR

[Slappy Gilmore @Rhys_munkee]

So we all just stopped believing in Lizard people, huh? Well, that doesn't make them go away folks.