Me: Hey Siri.
🤖: Yes master?
Me: Call all of my friends.
🤖: ERROR no friends detected.
Me: I mean my pawns.
🤖: Understood master, calling all 8 billon people.
Me: Checkmate.
The reason you’re unhappy is that you haven’t found the right thing to buy. There’s something out there you can purchase that will make this all go away