اللهم إني أعوذ بك أن أشرك بك وأنا أعلم، وأستغفرك لما لا أعلم
O Allah, I seek refuge in You lest | associate anything with You knowingly, and I seek Your forgiveness for what I know not.
Allahummo Aameen
💓❤️
Hello Lola, I am a Muslim, and our spiritual tradition has a very deep approach to raising children. I want to share some tips from our scholars that will be beneficial to you regardless of your faith.
First of all, our theology teaches the concept of Fitrah. This means that every child is born with a pure heart. At six years old, she is not a criminal mastermind. She does not have a wicked soul.
If she doesn’t have all these, then what is happening? The truth is that she is just lacking impulse control and testing boundaries. By this, if you look at her as a manipulator, you will fight her. However, if you look at her as a pure soul making mistakes, you will be able to guide her.
Secondly, for every problem anyone faces today, it has been solved in history. The only problem is how to locate them.
A classical scholar named Al-Ghazali wrote about child psychology over 900 years ago in his famous book “Ihya Ulum al-Din.” In his section on disciplining children, he gave a practical rule I want you to adopt going forward.
He advised that parents should never push a child into a corner where they are forced to lie. When you ask a question you already know the answer to, her survival instinct kicks in. She cries and she lies to defend herself because she is scared of you. Stop interrogating her. Just look at her and state the fact. Say, I know you took this, and we are going to return it right now.
Again, another scholar and sociologist Ibn Khaldun addressed this exact behavior in his masterpiece titled: “Al-Muqaddimah.” He warned that when a child is raised with harsh punishment, they learn deceit, trickery, and lying to protect themselves. This is why she is covering her tracks and crying to manipulate you. The fear of a harsh reaction is making her a better liar.
Lola, do not attach a label to her. Do not ever call her a thief. If you attack her identity instead of her action, she will internalize it and grow into that dark label. Tell her the action is wrong but protect her dignity.
Make her return the item. Do not fall for the tears. Hold her hand, walk her back to wherever she took it from, and make her hand it back and apologize. The discomfort of returning a stolen item teaches a much better lesson than beating her will ever do.
Finally, I don’t know if you are a Muslim, but never underestimate the power of your own words. In our faith, we believe the prayer of a parent for a child goes straight to God without any barrier. Pray over her. Pray for her heart to be content and for her character to be straight.
Keep doing this consistently and the habit will break.
Allah knows best.
Whatever will be will be.
Whatever happens, I will never regret believing in Nigeria - the Nigeria that funded African independence struggles and absorbed bullets intended for the entire continent , not the useless version of Nigeria that bombs neighbours on behalf of France, and is ruled by a drug dealer who is being blackmailed by at least 2 foreign intelligence agencies.
If Nigeria is home to too many catastrophically stupid people to avoid the destruction that is increasingly looking inevitable in its immediate future, I still have no regrets for believing in the potential that I witnessed with my own 2 eyes. Whether my people are terminally flawed or not, they're still my people.
The demise of Nigeria would only slow down Africa's rise, but not destroy it. Projects like the AES are evidence that Africa will regain its place in the world of the future, whether Nigeria will be part of that future or not. Africa will be fine, with or without Nigeria. And if we disappear, I hope our Sahelian brothers inherit our land and become better custodians of it than we were.
I will always still love my people, even though they don't love themselves. You can't choose your family. It is what it is.
no one talks about the silent guilt of being unemployed. the pressure, the fear of being judged as lazy, and the disappointment of rejection emails. yet every day, you wake up, try again, and hold on to the hope that something better is on the way.