Ri Kennedy

why are you here.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

I just googled “what does squirrel poop look like.”

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

Thinking of all the people watching the coup with their Christmas trees still up.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

@NastyGal my first time ordering with you and package arrived with two missing items. I emailed your customer service a week ago. Can you help a sister out?

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Has any single, adult woman ever gone to @traderjoes in a pandemic and not spent $200 and also gotten tortilla chips? I’ll wait.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Someone nodding off on my shoulder on the subway is not the worst thing in the world, but it’s not the best.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

The world is on fire in every single way, so maybe one day male coworkers will greet each other with, "You look so cute today! I love your top."

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Workaholics are deeply depressed right? Why would you choose that one as your addiction?

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Why is cheddar & sour cream a chip flavor? Tell me the last time you tucked into a bowl of sour cream and thick triangle of cheddar. TELL ME.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

I’m at that level today where I wish I could smoke in Morton Williams.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Pledge to myself in writing: Never, ever hashtag #momlife when you become an actual mom. If you’re babysitting or surrounded by children and feel it’s necessary to use in an ironic way, that’s allowed (although not encouraged). Amen.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

If you’re looking for a way to try to get sober, go to Union Square.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

I'm listening to instrumental "shallow" from a star is born and it REALLY FEELS like if I open my mouth I could sound like lady gaga. The mind is a dangerous place.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

I think i'm such hot shit because I've been doing #Whole30 for like 6 hours.

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Just noticed something SO CUTE. Was stretching my toes but since I was in a median in the street waiting for the walk sign, didn’t want to look like I was being too sexy or too I-do-stretches-in-public so I altered it to look more slovenly. The cute part is the altering...

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Sitting outside in a sports bra, drinking a hot tea. I GOT IT BAD, BABY. #fall

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Chamomile tea makes my nipples hard. HAPPY LABOR DAY!

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Should I start wearing poodle skirts?

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Remember the expression “slow news day”?

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

Who’s having a niftier Wednesday: lady talkin to her dog about the weather or me housing a knish on the street alone? #jurysout

[Ri Kennedy @rikennedy]

One day I want to be the kind of rich where I don't have to wear natural deodorant I think smells like feet. So rich I'll buy another kind!