congratulations on reading the book before it was made into a film. you win: nothing

caterpillars have the ideal life: they eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful

do you ever look at your follower count and think "wow i tricked all these people into thinking i'm cool"

i'm in no position to have high standards but it doesn't stop me

have no regrets.. except all those facebook pages you liked in 2009, regret those

people who chew loudly need to be placed in a separate room away from me

Those guys liking your half naked selfies? They don't love you. They lust you. Respect yourself. Be modest. Act like a lady.

i'm searching for wifi more than a relationship tbh

people who kiss their family members in the mouth are mad weird dude 😳

you're weird i'm weird lets get married :)

my greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a tv show in a week

i don't want you, I want your netflix password

some people are just ugly and it has nothing to do with their looks.

i hate it when you accidentally pick off a bit of dead skin on your lip & you can't stop until you've peeled your entire face off

i'm putting free wifi on my gravestone so people would come visit me...

a part of me dies every time no one gets my joke :/

if a girl is mean to you just tell her she has bad eyebrows