Rishi Machaiah

Hi

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Everything was fine in this world.
Then people started having children.
Then everybody became selfish.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[𝒶rα˚˖𓍢ִ໋ @yslmammi]

functional depression is real. you work, joke, and take care of your family, yet mentally, you're drowning in your own thoughts…and no one knows.

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Adam Sandler movies are the best. That guy has cracked life and along with it, cinemas.

[Ja Leto @_falsi1ke]

While you struggle to earn money, a relative somewhere is making babies for you to support.

[WALKER🪂 @maxl1am]

You must learn to enjoy life without needing an audience to see that you are enjoying life.

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Toughest years of my life:

2005
2015
2025

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Mangala aakathi. Makka maadyathi🙏🏼

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

You should not have killed Fred😣

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

@HazelAppleyard Chapter nine needs rewriting.

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

He is good, but there can be only one greatest white and red ball batsman of all time - Sachin Tendulkar

[Tony Steele @tds122]

If you're still not rating Virat Kohli as the greatest white ball batsman of all time - you are setting a new level of delusion ! #INDvSA

[Sandeep Mall @SandeepMall]

Most countries I’ve visited live by the circadian rhythm: office by 7, home before sunset, dinner by 7, kids asleep by 8. Late nights only on Friday & Saturday. Sunday ends early. We have slipped out of this rhythm.

[Vijay Mallya @TheVijayMallya]

How long will the GOI and PSU Banks hoodwink me and the public. Finance Minister says to Parliament that Rs 14,100 crores recovered from me. Banks say Rs 10,000 crores recovered. What about the difference of Rs 4,000 crores ? Now, MOS tells Parliament that I still owe Rs 10,000 crores while Banks claim that I owe Rs 7,000 crores. No statement of account or credit for amounts recovered. Why not appoint a Retired Judge to investigate and find out the truth particularly since my judgement debt was Rs 6203 crores. Pathetic state of affairs vis a vis myself.

[Kevin @imkevin149]

Unpopular opinion but Breaking Bad is one of the most overrated series ever, i tried watching it three times but couldnt even complete two episodes, people only pretend to like it because its famous but in reality its one of the most boring series ever..

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Sachin Tendulkar’s 98 vs Pakistan 2003(ODI)

Sachin Tendulkar’s 175 vs Australia(ODI)

[Iceland Cricket @icelandcricket]

What is the greatest innings ever played, regardless of the format?

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

2003 World cup final loss. Still shattered

[Annurag P Rekhi @Dravidict]

As an Indian fan I know recency bias will creep in. Let me ask you something simple.

What’s your lowest point in cricket?

When did you feel heartbreak for the first time?

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

@PragathiC 😂😂

[Aaraynsh @aaraynsh]

No more overpriced food at the airport. Now you can have affordable snacks at airports at Udaan Yatri Cafe.

Tea : ₹10
Water : ₹10
Samosa : ₹20
Sweet : ₹20

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

@CoinDCX For a crypto and finance company, your mobile app and customer service is really pathetic. The app shows payments to crypto I have never made(not seen on the desktop), and when I try to report it, there is no phone number or email ID.

Ur chat support agents don’t reply

[Rishi Machaiah @RnR89]

Na kisi se love, na kisi se fight,

9 PM dinner, 10 PM good night.