Road Kill Soup

My favorite vocalist is Tarja Turunen. I love Amsterdam most of all the cities in the world. If I'm gonna drink beer, it has to be Bavarian. That's it!

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Useful Twitter account... https://t.co/td6Yxq2rTQ

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

What's this I read online, the Russians & Brits are on the verge of war? The internet is as trusted source of news as Fox News Network is.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

She shouts "Men are pigs!" I felt compelled to agree, adding "And you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear so stop trying to change me!"

[Laughs4Free @Laughs_4_Free]

She says, "All the really hot guys are gay." I say, "I'm straight." She looks me up and down and replies "I don't doubt it." I say "Ouch!"

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Why won't anyone admit they watch YouTube skateboard videos for the face plants into concrete and balls being busted on handrails?

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Narcissus: Someone compelled to take selfies and post them online, assuming someone wants to see them even if they aren't naked.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

God's Cool Invention is a great joke. Check it out http://t.co/Z28R3Ui7jF

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

and I said... "I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations. But I'm OK with that, since the only guy who ever could have was crucified."

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

When someone says, "Nobody is perfect" you're not supposed to say, "Your statement is false I'm afraid, I'm living proof that it is."

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

I want to be elected to public office. My plan is to hang out for a term or two until I qualify for a pension, Then I'll go get a real job.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

I just bought a lot of great candy for Halloween. Now I'm hoping not too many trick or treaters show up.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Religious people knock on my door. I say, "Come in. I want to tell you how Satan will save you come time for the Apocalypse." They leave.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

To #follow someone on Twitter that's not following you back is to have someone talk to you but not let you respond. It's like being married!

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Christmas no longer means what it once did. Plus Jesus was born in April, so it's celebrated at the wrong time. Best to go on vacation.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Sheep blend with other sheep in a flock to avoid being singled out by a wolf. It's not necessary for people to be sheep. Be an individual.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

There's something wrong when surplus food stocks in one part of the planet are fed to livestock, while elsewhere people starve to death.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Hidden among my many awesome pearls of wisdom are a few slimy oysters.

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

Thanking @NIALLDRUMSTEAK @oIRGIx @TinaMagagane and @lenbowcott for the #follow

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

That Barack Obama @BarackObama guy is still not following me back. What's with that?

[Road Kill Soup @RoadKillSoup]

FACT: There's enough food & water to fill the need of the planet's population. Corporate greed stops if from being delivered to the needy.