Rocketman

cats are the croutons on the salad of my life

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

America may have run on dunkin before but it certainly runs on amphetamines now

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Royal Oak, MI 📍
#icestorm #michigan #weather

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

@laurboh I work right by here, co workers out at lunch say someone jumped off the bridge onto I75!?!?

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Snapchat should prank us all and send photos we think we’re sending with the filter, without. Unknowingly. The chaos.😏

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Happy Sunday. I hope Costco sells plan B.

[Astro Poets @poetastrologers]

Therapist: how do you see yourself
Pisces: once in first grade I made this friend who…
Therapist: we have to move on - how do you think others see you
Pisces: I don’t know but I love them!

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

How is it ACTUALLY even possible that with all these people working from home now that traffic has managed to get worse…? That just straight up doesn’t make sense to me.

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

People who like REALLY love Jesus drive like shit and that’s just a fact

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Someone tell me why the thumbs up react on an iMessage feels so aggressive to me? Like I know you’re my boss but heart react to my updates or gtfo.

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Stop groaning in public restrooms. We’re all uncomfortable. Why are you so exerted btw???

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

This tweet goes out to everyone in 2006 who was team Edward as well:

Do you want to carpool to therapy?

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

You’re telling me there’s how many school shootings a year AND we’re paying teachers how much again !?

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Pisces can’t do therapy. Too worried about how they’re making the therapist feel 🤡

[Dane Cook @DaneCook]

Pick number four, the funny dude who says funny shit and laughs at it and if no one else laughs he says, “you can all fuck off that’s fucking funny.”
I want that dude on my team.

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

@HadleyHegg What’s the other part

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

Trying to act casual so the printer doesn’t know this is time sensitive

[Astro Poets @poetastrologers]

Therapist: are you ok
Pisces: are you
Therapist: this isn’t about me it’s about you
Pisces: we’re all connected bestie

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

It should honestly be illegal to make women work on the first 3 days on their period

[Rocketman @Rocketmansam11]

I either have to take a lot of drugs or eat a lot of food to feel something BUTTTT other than that I’d say I’m doing pretty good

[imora ♡︎ @IAMIMORA]

talking to a pisces woman is like talking to your idea of a cool, stoner OG grandma