I once dated a woman with BPD who threw a prosecco bottle at my head (I dodged that shit) and told me to get out, so naturally I prepared to vacate the premises but before I could she grabbed a knife and threatened to plunge it into her heart if I left. God I miss her.
The mistake is thinking that the World Cup is about soccer. It’s not. It’s about gathering a collection of the world’s greatest binge drinking goofballs and giving them a month to show us all their best.
Sorry brother. Happy birthday. I totally forgot. We were over at Paul McCartney’s birthday party. That’s what happens when you share your birthday with a celebrity.
ordered a slice of apple pie at the comedy show tonight and when i was done the waiter said “another round?” and i sat there and thought about it genuinely for a minute until he goes “girl im kidding” i -