Ronaldjdd94

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

The water from a drinking fountain tastes like pennies and mumps. http://t.co/loiACI3Bjw

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/pKtr4JcSAR Memo to Life: Fewer lemons. More cherries. Thanks!

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

Fruits are single-handedly keeping the sticker industry afloat. http://t.co/nfM7FqJfHg

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

If this guy calls me "sweetie" one more time I SWEAR I'll continue to pleasantly smile and nod.  http://t.co/p2UHkoap9w

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/XDYAsenVyT God said He loves me? That's awkward. Tell Him I want to see other people.

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/eMu85a5WQL Calling them "boobs" is so immature. Please use the proper name, "lovely lady lumps".

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

Mixed martial arts? Why you gotta make biracial people fight each other though? http://t.co/k3aXzam5LC

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this? http://t.co/kugpLEKV1q

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

Before the invention of Swiffers, people had to pick up dust with their own moist genitals. http://t.co/odO19h7IcR

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/9mD6ZNw1SY Jesus might love me but my girlfriend gives me blowjobs so religion is stupid.

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/Q9bBlXzm4T Maybe snakes are always angry cause they don't have arms to hug with :(

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

I just changed a light bulb with a beer in my hand if anyone needs a man for something. http://t.co/rMO1OxxDO4

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/U7Y9j3tZSZ Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes.

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/O4dTCSA7gq Life would be so much easier if it had an unfollow button.

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

Teach a man to phish and he'll pretend he's a Nigerian businessman. http://t.co/2Ns6qyIWhr

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

I bet if Jesus were here right now, he'd be like "Toilets are amazing." http://t.co/R3fvYNN1xr

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/DJ8Wzbntdo Darth Vader, you are the father! --Star Wars cast on the set of Maury

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/GJI7oqIJh8 Want to know the worst thing about yourself? Hang out with a kid for an hour, then ask them.

[Ronaldjdd94 @RonaldDuran3]

http://t.co/5cPXLn2Yfk Who wants to dress up as a battery and make Halloween come early this year? I'll be Halloween.