Rory Moerenhout

Nice if you get to know me, not nice for the ones that are too arrogant for that

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Found some old dick drawings from middle school & I can now pinpoint the date I was circumcised.

[Zlatan Ibrahimović @Ibra_official]

My last game tomorrow at Parc des Princes. I came like a king, left like a legend

[Rob Trippy @Spacyfiek]

[tijdens een sollicitatie]

"waarom wil je bij ons werken?"

"omdat jullie kankerlijers zijn!"

"ah nodeloos kwetsend! welkom bij GeenStijl"

[Politie Basisteam Oude Maas @POL_OudeMaas]

Iemand heeft geprobeerd onze handvaten dicht te lijmen. Handig als we je moeder moeten reanimeren! #Ridderkerk ^JE

[Rory Moerenhout @Rorymoer]

@Spacyfiek

[Rob Trippy @Spacyfiek]

[tijdens een date]
zij: sorry ik zie je meer als vriend
ik: ligt het aan mij?
zij: nee
ik: *zet Deus pet recht* "maar wat kan het dan zijn?"

[Jim Bakkum @JimBakkum]

😂

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[at the dildo store]
Me: is that the biggest one you've got?
Clerk: sir that's the fire extinguisher
Me: oh ok, gimme two of em

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off

[T R O Y @troytheblackguy]

Phineas & Ferb used to really hit home for me cause my dad's name is Perry so when theyd say "wheres Perry" I'd remember that nigga gone lol

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Dinner time https://t.co/6ZLDO48GyZ

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

My uncle Terry always carries a yoyo with him. We call him Terry the pig fucker cos aside from the yoyo, there was this thing with a pig.

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

🎶 if you like it then you should put a finger in it 🎶

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher?
Me [opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off]: can't, there's been an accident

[Rory Moerenhout @Rorymoer]

0123

[Claudia & iZZi 🐕 🐾 @Ma_Marazzi]

@gerardjoling

[Rory Moerenhout @Rorymoer]

@YStijd @Rosssen 'anders stuur ik hem liever op'. Letterlijk zegt ze dat ze alleen marokkanen aan haar deur wil hebben.

[Rory Moerenhout @Rorymoer]

Nu al uitkijken naar uitslapen morgen.