Our tickets for today’s @Braves v @Mets rainout are not good for the double-header tomorrow!? Cruel and unusual punishment for a terribly rainy weekend. #GOBRAVES 😭😫 (and BOO @Ticketmaster, btw?!)
Italian men are like, “you are beautiful, if I didn’t have girlfriend I want to be with you” and then, “also, throw those pants away, they make you look fat”
I had to delete Hinge many months ago. It was too hard on the men to find out that I’m taller than them. They didn’t even take the time to find out that I’m smarter and funnier, too.
It’s that time of year again — when, upon undressing, I think I’ve developed a new mole, only to discover that the mole is a melted crumb of chocolate I dropped down my shirt earlier.